5 Things I Learned from Doing Sleep Consults
A few weeks ago I decided to give away a few free personal sleep consults on Facebook. I fully expected to get a handful of comments and end up doing 1-2 free consults. I ended up with over 400 comments and 13 families to work with.
Thirteen. Not one or two. THIRTEEN.
So that’s what I’ve been up to.
And while they’ve taken a ton of time it’s been incredibly refreshing. When you spend hours typing away on posts, comment replies, etc. you sometimes forget that there are actual people out there. Delightfully smart funny people with adorable squishy babies. With crazy baby hair. And monkey toes.
So I’ve been Skyping, emailing, and chatting with a range of tired families. And they taught me a lot.
What I Learned from Sleep Consults
People don’t really know what a “bad sleeper” is.
ALL of the parents I had the pleasure of chatting with started the conversation by telling me what a terrible sleeper their beloved peanut was. But truth be told, less than half actually HAD a bad sleeper on their hands. What I gathered from this is that ALL babies are HARD. Even the easiest baby is a lot of work. So no matter what is going on with your baby, from your perspective, it is a real challenge.
Put down awake isn’t enough.
Everybody in the baby sleep universe stresses the importance of putting down baby awake. So it’s almost impossible to find a new parent who hasn’t come across this concept and is either currently struggling with it or plans to as soon as they muster up the courage to do so.
But “put down awake” isn’t really the FULL solution. The SOLUTION is to put down WITHOUT SURPRISES. This includes putting them down awake so they aren’t surprised to find you missing later. But that is just one possible surprise. So if you are putting your baby down awake WITH A PACIFIER, you aren’t quite done. Unless your baby is one of those savant babies who can happily find and replace the paci during the night on their own, putting baby down awake with a pacifier in their mouth often leads to waking up all night because they’re a) surprised when they wake up with the paci (mysteriously) missing and b) are unable to fumble about to replace it.
There IS no quick fix.
Everybody is looking for the magic elixir that will fix things. And they want immediate evidence that whatever they are doing is working. Babies don’t work like this. You need to commit to a new plan for a few days or possibly a week. Not a day, or one nap. A week. Too often people try things once or twice and write it off as a failure. When the only failure was not sticking with it long enough to really know.
Desperate measures are for newborns.
Newborns are really really hard. Soothing newborns is tricky business. Getting them to fall and stay asleep can be arduous and relentless. So for a while, you do whatever you need to do. Baby only naps on your lap, baby only sleeps attached to your boob, baby only sleeps while being pushed in a stroller, etc. Sometimes you need to just make it through the day and nobody should look askance because you are doing what you need to.
But eventually you need to work on breaking out of desperate habits. Or instead of being “what we did you survive a particularly bad phase or sleep regression” it becomes “what we do every day.” And this will backfire on you on two fronts. For starters, desperate acts to get baby to sleep are generally not fun and often drain the ever-loving life out of you. It’s just not sustainable. And secondly as your baby gets older (definitely older than 2-3 months) many of these desperate acts lock you into the path to cryitoutsville. And I KNOW nobody wants to go there.
So at some point, ideally sooner than later, you need to develop some alternative methods to help your baby sleep. Which is hard because…
Everybody is absolutely TERRIFIED of change.
Change is scary. People are so exhausted that the thought of things getting worse, even temporarily, is absolutely horrifying. Even people who are so brutally sleep deprived that it would literally be impossible for things to get worse are afraid of doing things differently. This is how they get locked into non-functional sleep situations for months or years. Not because they haven’t read the right books. Not because they aren’t smart enough. Not because they don’t care.
Change is scary. But the key to solving any challenge with your child (and trust me when I tell you that sleep is only the first of a billion you will face) is to be willing to do something different. YOU need to do something different. You can’t wait it out or hope your child will change. It all starts with you. This is scary and uncomfortable. But there is no other way.
Put on your big girl/boy panties. Have faith in yourself. Know that if billions of other parents can figure this out, you can too. What you’re doing isn’t working. Try something new. It’s the only way things will get better. And it will get better. I promise.
Most of the 13 sleep consults are wrapped up and if I can pat myself on the back, successfully so. To those of you who were willing to share your families and challenges with me, thank you so much! As you can see I got a lot out of the experience. I hope you did too!
Has anybody else struggled with finding the courage to make a change? (Please note if you are struggling, there is no shame in it. Just about everybody else is too.) Or do you have some advice or experience that might help those that are struggling?
Jackie Peterson on 
Stephanie on 
Jennifer on 
Laura on
Hi Alexis,
I have a question regarding naps. My son is 4 months old and refuses to take his last nap if the day. He sleeps in his crib at night and naps in his swing. He sleeps pretty good at night usually wakes 1-2 times. Naps are all very good except the last one. His bedtime is about 8, sometimes a bit before.
I am wondering why I might be having so much trouble with the last nap?? He can be up 2-3 hours before he will fall asleep. Today it was 3.5. Should I move his bedtime up?? At four months I thought the witching hour would be over, but maybe not??
Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated!!
For starters, I would move bedtime up. If he’s waking up from his last nap at ~4 then yes you’re going to have a rough time getting him to fall back asleep later. So maybe he’s awake from 4:00 PM – 7:00 PM and bedtime is 7:00 ish (note: make this move gradually, like 15 minutes a day?).
That’s what I would do. Early bedtime is AWESOME. More free time for Mom
Also often the last nap is hard for EVERYBODY. IF instead you think he really NEEDS a late nap (I could go either way on this at his age but you know best!) then you may need to have him nap in a babycarryier or in the car. People OFTEN go to huge lengths to get the last nap in. My neighborhood is awash in babies in strollers around 5:00
Hope that helps,
Alexis
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Hi Miranda,
I too found that last nap of the day really hard at the 4ish month stage and just HAD to drag myself out in the pram to get that sleep in. It was a bit of a drag cos that’s the time you need to be making dinner or tidying the chaos of the day or just sitting and staring at the wall but if he got that 30-45 min sesh in the pram to sleep, things were much nicer at 6pm.
But in a few months an awesome thing will happen when bubs can skip that last nap and not be a wreck and suddenly afternoons are quite a nice awake stretch where you can get out at DO stuff.
This will pass.
Best of luck,
Jo
I should also mention that when he does fall asleep it is because I have rocked him to sleep. This is the only time I will fully rock him to sleep. All other times I will rock him until he is sleepy but put him down awake with his paci. Tonight he fell asleep in his bouncy chair beside the oven fan!!
So, your website reassured me many times when I was up every 45 minutes with my newborn–you’re fantastic!
Weirdly, I really do think that I have a champion sleeper. Since 6 weeks, he’s slept 7-8 hours per night, which is AWESOME (with swing, white noise, dark room). I used to feed him until he fell asleep, but now, at almost four months, I know I need to stop. How long do babies usually take to fall asleep on their own? He never cries, just chatters to himself in the dark for ages…. Also, he weighs 20 pounds and his feet are sooo close to dangling over the sides of the swing, which makes me sad!
Again, your website is wonderful.
Nicole,
You mean he’s hanging out there just chattering? And after some amount of time he eventually nods off? If so then let me start by saying – YAY!
Usually this is not the norm. The norm is that after a few minutes they realize that it’s dull, you are no longer there to entertain them, and they decide this is not so fun. They communicate their displeasure with the scene by crying about it.
So if your son can entertain himself happily until he falls asleep I call that a WIN.
How long is he hanging out? Like 2 hours? 20 minutes? Again happy baby = win. If after 20 minutes of hanging out he falls asleep for 7-8 hours I would also call that a win.!
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
At night, in his swing–we’re down to five minutes (yippee!) now. In his crib, he realizes he’s bored and cries after the same amount of time!
I am so happy to have found your website even though I’m barely awake enough to be able to read most days.
I completely understand the “terrified to change” idea, I lived it with my first born and it got us into terrible habits that took years to break. That’s why I know now with my second baby that I have to face my fear of change immediately or I’m going to be in the same situation!!!
My 5mos old started out life sleeping like a dream. I could not believe what we were experiencing–6-7 straight hours of sleep, then a feeding, then right back to sleep! Amazing to me after my first child. But then she developed the first of 3 back-to-back colds with major congestion and coughing. To keep her upright, I brought her to bed with me. And there she has stayed, and I can’t get her to go back to her bed.
I can get her down awake, without a pacifier, but she will wake up an hour later and if I can get her to go back to sleep then, she will wake up in another hour and this goes on and on until I finally succumb and bring her into bed again. I have trained her to need the breast to go to sleep. I have trained her to need to sleep with me. Help! I sleep terribly when she is in bed with us. Nursing to sleep went on for a very long time with my son so I know what I’m in for if I don’t make a change soon. And I’m not even opposed to nursing to sleep for those who want to do it, but I know from experience that while it can be lovely, and is clearly lovely for the baby, it can take hours to get the baby to sleep successfully. I am a better mother if I can get even a half hour to myself before I go to bed and if I can actually get some real sleep.
Any ideas? Thanks!
One thing I forgot to mention is that I work full time and leave my baby with a sitter who is in her 60s and has been doing home daycare for 30 years. She doesn’t believe that babies need nap schedules. Some days I will pick her up and ask how my daughter slept and she’ll say, “well she really didn’t sleep today, but some babies are just like that.” I try to keep my jaw from dropping and in my most non-threatening way say that a baby that doesn’t nap well during the day won’t sleep well at night, but her response is that, “it’s the exact opposite–she’ll be so tired she’ll sleep like a log.” Aggggghhhhhhh…..
I should have had my baby in a nap schedule when she started daycare, but it didn’t happen and now I’m afraid it never will and that I’m never going to get good night sleep because of it. Feeling utterly hopeless and very much to blame! Ugh.
Kijacob,
Phew….that’s well that’s a lot.
For starters your daycare lady sounds lovely and most of us would LOVE to find somebody with so much experience. But it’s not OK for her to let her experience trump your wishes. Is there a way to gently tell her that YOU understand what your baby needs best and that THIS is the plan (sleep routine, schedule, etc.) that you are COUNTING on her to work with? I know these conversations can be really tricky.
But seriously – “some babies are like that?!?!?”
Yeah BONE TIRED BABIES.
Gheesh.
Ok so it sounds like some colds and such put you in a bad place. And sadly you are in a bad place. Because I’m guessing that she’s now old enough to have pretty firm associations with sleep which seem to be co-sleeping and nursing=sleeping. The fact that he’s not sleeping during the day is working against you.
I don’t mean to bum you out. But just on what you write here I would think you are perilously close to landing in cryitoutsville. And if so that is OK.
But that is probably not the advice you were looking for. So here’s what I would do:
- Start by having her sleep in her own bed. Yes this means nursing to sleep – FOR NOW. If she’s 5 months I might consider swaddling and white noise. Basically she’s gotten used to being cuddled/nursed to sleep and WHILE she sleeps. If you want to break free of that you’ll need to give her as much soothing as possible. Because if you take away the cuddling/nursing and give NO soothing it will not work well (you’ve probably noticed this already).
- When she wakes up if it’s only been 1 hour send in Dad. Offer some gentle soothing (back rubbing, not picking up if possible?!?). Try not to nurse before 2 hours.
Also fuss it out is an option. What happens if you leave her well enough alone for 15-20 minutes? Push it a little. Especially when it’s been only 1 hour after bedtime.
- COMMIT. If you can’t sleep with her in your bed then she can’t sleep there. SEVEN DAYS of no co-sleeping. No matter what happens. This is the scary thing I get it. COMMIT. There is nothing you can’t do for 7 days.
- AFTER 7 days…
Have a super consistent soothing bedtime routine. I’m assuming you already do? Start shuffling nursing up in the routine. Put down awake – ish. Start with just a tiny big awake, or BARELY awake. Have Dad do it (when in doubt outsource hard tasks like this – [insert evil laugh here]).
There is no magic bullet. But now is the time. If you don’t want to be exhausted for the next 3 years and CIO doesn’t feel great it’s go time. 7 days. DO it.
Let me know what happens – OK?
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Thank you so much for your website – its been a lifesaver for us! When I first became a parent and we were struggling with newborn sleep, I would read these written testimonials from people that all said “we tried this (insert sleep method) and within a few days our baby was sleeping 12 hours a night”. Three years later, I’m always a little skeptical of these claims since nothing about children ever stays the same, especially sleep.
My fear of change came with my new baby (now 7 months) who was a terrible sleeper by the higher standard set by my first child. Up until a month ago, he was sleeping in our bed, swaddled, pacifier and needed to be rocked back to sleep sometimes every hour for hours, often while screaming. In my mind I had convinced myself that the only thing letting me have the 2-3 hours of sleep that I was getting was the rocking/pacifier/swaddle/co-sleeping, so I was reluctant to change anything. Eventually desperation set in and I had to do something, so in a zombie like state I followed all of your advice (white noise, gradual swaddle removal, lovey, CIO first at night after a routine of naps was well established), and while we’re not sleeping 12 hours a night, he’s going to bed easily and when he is up he generally goes right back to sleep. But not always, and I’m sure it will keep changing, but I know now that I have to change along with him.
That is a GREAT story! Yes it’s scary, it’s always scary. Nobody wants to make things worse right?
I also find that with second kids we’re more inclined to bite the bullet. For starters we’ve learned just how bad/long things can go. Secondly you can’t just do whatever your new baby wants and exhaust yourself when you have older kids who need you. You slide into mean mommy mode where your snappy and unavailable (when I say you I really mean me or most people). So somehow change get’s less and less scary relative to the reality of going on “as is.”
Thanks for sharing!
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
I was definitely turning into mean mommy sans sleep! Why can’t a toddler understand that you haven’t slept at all and you’re now too grouchie to play with her? Or even smile.
I sometimes feel like my bedtime routine has become like some kind of crazy superstitious sports ritual, where if I do even one thing different it will throw everything off. I have to keep telling myself to relax and that one bad nap doesn’t need to ruin the whole day, and that I don’t need to spend all of my mental energy fretting about my children’s sleep.
Thanks again for your site! I discovered this while asking Dr Google to figure out how to keep my toddler out of our bed where my infant was sleeping (poorly), and now I can happily go to bed with no children in my bed, and most nights, it stays that way (Toddler solution: we told her she had to stay in her own bed unless she really needed us (there were a few tearful nights that we had to lead her back to her room), and I got her a gro-clock which has been fantastic).
I’m at a point where I’m afraid of change. My 4 month old was a difficult newborn, so we resorted to cosleeping. Now that ive had a chance to establish decent napping habits/daytime sleep, I’m faced with transitioning him to his own crib or bassinet for bedtime. I’m able to out him down for naps awake in our bed without much crying, though the evenings he’s a lot needier. But I’m guessing since he now knows how to fall asleep on his own, he should be able to do this in his own bed. I’m just not looking forward to him waking up more, since I’m only starting to catch up on sleep. My question is why does my midwife tell me that at 4 months, I need to eliminate an props or situations that I dont want to continue, namely cosleeping? What happens at 4 months that makes this a crucial time stop anything you dont want to continue doing in the long run?
Object permanence! At 4 months when he doesn’t see something it doesn’t exist. Around 6 months he will start to learn object permanence and miss something if it’s not there. Take a look at Alexis’ “What You Need to Know About Sleeping Through the Night Part 1″. The midwife is trying to make your life a little easier in the next couple months
Good luck!
Thank you Page – and you are 1000% right
PS. You don’t need to drop all props right now (swaddling and white noise are awesome) but if you aren’t into cosleeping for the long haul its GO time to make some changes. Because trust me – in a few months getting him out of your bed will get a whole lot harder. Does the fear of future horribleness help you get over the hump of fear of change today? I hope so!
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Thank you, Kate, for your response. I normally feed my son about 10 min before bedtime for a few week. I did try feeding him 30 min before bedtime for a couple of weeks. Both ways, we had some good nights (when he went down with no peep) and bad nights (with a lot of crying). I did not notice much difference, honestly. Also, when I was feeding 30 min before bed, night wakings were random as well. Last night and tonight I started feeding him 20 min before bed, following your suggestion. We’ll see.
In the middle of the night, he normally eats and goes back to sleep. He eats with his eyes open and when I put him down he is awake. He sometimes plays with my hair while I’m carrying him back to his crib, and then he falls asleep with no peep. Therefore, it seems to me that he has learned how to fall asleep on his own. I have also calculated – out of 7 weeks of doing CIO (approx. 50 days), 22 nights he fell asleep on his own with no peep. The question is then – why does some nights (including the last two weeks) he is either hysterical or cries a lot before falling asleep? Is it possible that I’m putting him to bed when he is not ready yet? I usually put him down 3-3.5 hours after his last nap and he looks tired. For a week or so I tried to make a 10-15 min break and repeat our bedtime routine if he starts crying as soon as we approach the crib (thinking that he may not be ready yet). Usually after the second routine he went down without a peep. It is all a puzzle to me. I wonder how other parents figure out their babies. But I’m trying.
Also, we do not have a schedule during the day (like nap at 9am, bedtime at 6pm, etc.). He wakes up anywhere between 3.30 and 5.30 am and his naps can be anywhere from 15 min to an hour (rarely more than an hour). I’m trying to put him to bed from 5 to 6pm but it is hard to maintain a somewhat regular bedtime I’m wondering if having no strict schedule affects his crying at night. Do I need to establish one? and if so, how do I do it with random wake-up times and naps?
I have one more question/concern. My son started crying as soon as we enter his bedroom in the evening and he realizes it is time to go to bed, then fusses on and off during the routine, especially at the end. Is it because he knows he will be left alone? Is there some other reason?
Sorry for such a long comment.
Yep – he’s anticipating something he doesn’t like, namely bedtime. Sorry I can’t find your original comment so don’t know how old he is. But if he’s 7-9 months old he’s also probably in peak separation anxiety phase which means he’s also anticipating your leaving which he also doesn’t like.
Not sure on age but if he’s 6+ months it’s time to work on more regular nap schedule. Also 5:00 PM is a pretty early bedtime (and I’m an early bedtime FAN) so if you’re struggling with bedtime battles and baby is over 6 months it could be that bedtime is TOO early. Yes he may be tired and miserable at this time – most babies are not a party in the evening – but it may be too early for his body to be ready to sleep. Closer to 7:00 ish is generally more common.
Hope that helps!
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for your response. My original comment(s) is at the bottom of page 1 for this article.
My son is 9 months old now.
Do you know a good source on how to establish a nap schedule and how to nap train? I wouldn’t like my son to get more overtired than he is. Also, when is the time to start working on naps? Our nights are still random, after 2 months of CIO – he can wake up from 1 to 4 times, he can fall asleep with no peep or can cry when I put him down for the night.
I hope that changing time this week-end will help us shift our bedtime to a later time.
Thanks, again.
Hi Alexis and everyone,
I would just like to mention that many of you (as I have too) have found this website to be incredibly helpful and beneficial in dealing with babies and sleep. Alexis never mentions it but at the far right side of the site she has a button that says ‘pay it forward’ where people can donate 20 dollars to the ’cause’. I did so this morning and I encourage all who have been helped to do the same to show appreciation for the hard work this woman does. Just wanted to mention it since I know Alexis wouldn’t do it herself. Happy sleeping everyone!
Erika,
I NOTICED you did that and then I also got an email with this LOVELY comment. So three cheers for you
Is the donation thing working out? Not really. But it’s far exceeded my expectations and every $ helps me at least work to a point where I’m not LOOSING quite as much money.
So if it helps you feel better, you bought me the software I needed so I can record my Skype interview with Dr. Karp which is SUPER COOL so thanks a ton
Alexis
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Hi Alexis,
Thanks so much for the reply and making me feel much better that it is not just me that struggles with the last nap!!
I have moved his bedtime up. A little faster than you suggested, but he hasn’t really protested so that must be a good sign!! I have starred with a 630 bedtime. He slept till 7 this morning ( woke up twice during the night) so he seems to be doing ok.
I have also invested in some blackout curtains so hopefully that helps.
Again today he did not want to go down for his 4th nap. His third nap ended at 1:45 and he didn’t want to nap again after. He did eventually go down just before 4:00 and slept until 4:30 ( I’ll take it at this point!). My question is could he just be transitioning to taking three naps but the schedule hasn’t quite developed yet??? He can only stay up for about an hour or just over an hour which can also throw the schedule off if he doesnt nap that long.
Also, one last question. Sometimes after I put him down at night he will wake up 45 mins to an hour later and then I have to soothe him back to being drowsy. Is this just a sign of him being overtired??
Thanks for all your advice – it really does help when you are feeling desperate for change!!!
Without knowing all the details I’m guessing he can’t be awake from 2:00 PM – 7:00 pm so my advice in the short run is to go for a stroller walk, car ride, baby carry, etc. in the vicinity of 4:00. But forget putting him down for a nap in the traditional way.
The wake up after bedtime thing is pretty common. It could be he’s overtired, could be a phase. Hard to say?
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Sorry, one last question for you….
I put my son down very very drowsy but barely awake. Any tips on putting him down awake?? Everyone stresses the importance of this but doesn’t provide suggestions on how to do it. I am getting close to the time where he should learn to do this. I don’t think I can cope with cry it out so any suggestions you have would be great.
Ps- I get him drowsy by rocking him in the rocking chair while swaddled then place him in his crib. I am thinking just gradually doing less rocking, but he obviously doesn’t appreciate it when I do that!!
Here is no magic trick to this. There is no, “Well you rock for 5 minutes then you flip him over and pat his butt like a tom tom for 2 minutes then you sing a French song for 1 minute then you put him in his crib and VOILA!”
You chip away at it by being consistent, having soothing routines, and gradually putting him down less drowsy. Let him grumble for a few minutes before you jump to pick him up again. Or try soothing him IN the crib – pat his belly, tell him it’s time to sleep, sing calmly, etc. It’s a process with no magic solutions. Just effort and consistency.
Alexis recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Hi Alexis, I’m glad I found your site. We need help! My boy is 4 months (tiny guy – full term but he’s only around 11 1/2 pounds now) and we started nursing to sleep to get some sleep and now it’s stuck. How can we unstick him? We co-sleep so I’m literally stuck all night. I’ve tried to pull him off the breast when he’s still a little awake and it just wakes him up more and he gets crazy upset in very little time and then seemingly the only way to get him to calm back down is nursing and there we go again. I’m not sure if pulling him off drowsy is having an effect or if it’s just pissing him off. Also it would be nice if I didn’t have to stay in bed 12 hours just because he does. I feel really stupid that I’ve gotten into this predicament. He will nap without nipple but only for 30 minutes (in a swing with bouncing to get him drowsy) and then the next time I nurse him he starts to fall asleep. I know he needs better day sleep and I know I need better night sleep. Help!
Joan,
So he only sleeps pretty much EVER on your boob? Am I understanding you correctly that for 4 months you’ve had this kid attached to your boob for 14+ hours a day?
How is he nursing the rest of the time? Or does he simply not bother because he’s feasting all night long?
For starters don’t feel stupid. Babies are mysterious. Nursing is hard. We’re told to do whatever baby demands of us. You aren’t the first person to leave a comment here because baby is living on their boobs and they can’t sleep like that. You aren’t even the first person to talk about this TODAY. It’s common. Nobody’s bragging about it at the playgroups but trust me, it’s NOT just you.
The first thing I’m wondering about is: is this a nursing issue? You say he’s a bit small. And he’s eating CONSTANTLY. Is he a snacker? He never fills up just snacks CONSTANTLY and thus demands constant access? Is your supply just an ounce low? Don’t freak out – this is rare. But regardless I’m wondering if this wouldn’t be a good time to find a nice IBCLC to work with on this.
The second thing is soothing. IT seems like he needs a TON. Is there a reason why he needs so much? Milk protein sensitivity?
Both the nursing issues and the milk thing are pretty rare – I just throw them out in case it rings a bell with you. OK?
This is almost beyond the ability for me to respond in a comment – it’s something that deserves it’s own post. I would say it’s time to make a change NOW cuz it’s only going to get worse. If it were ME I would swaddle him, turn up white noise, put him in the swing and let Daddy deal (Dad doesn’t smell like food). Accept that things will be rough for a few nights. Like how to figure out when he’s hungry or when he just wants to go back to the old situation. So I would expect that you nurse a ton to start with and that’s OK. But the idea is that you need to get him physically sleeping OFF the boob – even if that means nursing hourly as a starting point.
Hopefully that gives you some things to think about? Good luck!
Apologies for this long post but I want to supply some backstory. If you do consults and think that would help I’d be happy to do this privately (and happy to donate to your cause as well if you prefer public disclosure for the sake of helping more people).
For night sleep he gets relatched every time he wakes up. I’ve figured that at least the majority of the family is sleeping. Been trying to change that little by little.
and I remember reading not to nurse to sleep but I didn’t really get it until now.
As for his weight – he was small at birth (5lbs. 13 oz) and at his 2 wk appt. though he had gained back birth weight the doc was concerned that he hadn’t gained enough since his 1st ped appt. and told us to start formula if he didn’t add 2 oz in the next 2 days. We went to a great IBCLC instead and started a grueling weigh, nurse, weigh, supplement with breastmilk, and pump regime every 2 hours that lasted almost a month. That’s why I don’t think my supply is low. Baby has plenty of diaper output and has been gaining at the rate he’s supposed to.
I think a lot of his nursing day and night is comfort. He was a silent refluxer and is on Zantac. He’s super gassy and has slimy poop so I just started on an elimination diet on Monday because I want to try anything I can if it helps the little guy.
He’s a really fussy, really uncomfortable little guy. In the mornings he’s a joy – squawking, laughing, cooing, and enjoying himself – but by evening it gets kinda dicey. He spends many evenings crying.
When he was 3 mo we had a post partum doula come by just to see if there was something obvious we were doing wrong that might be contributing to his fussiness. She showed us a great way to FINALLY get him to nap – we swaddle, bounce (with a light blanket over his eyes to reduce visual stimulation), white noise, and swing. He HATES to nap. He will be a zombie staring with blank eyes but will pop his eyes open when they start to close. The above technique has made a huge difference. We aim for approx 90 minutes after last sleep for naps and this has worked ok. He still rarely naps for more than 30 minutes except when friend comes to watch him a couple hours some afternoons. She picks him up from the swing at first stir and bounces and covers him and holds him and can get him to sleep almost a full 2.5 hours (with intermittent waking). I’ve been trying to switch things up a bit – sometimes I put him in his swing awake (not successful!), or just drowsy (sometimes works), sometimes I try without the cover (not usually successful), or walking instead of bouncing (also rarely successful).
Any support/help you could offer would be great – I’m loathe to stop co-sleeping because I’m afraid that when I go back to work in April he won’t get enough calories without night nursing and I will only see him for a few hours a day and will miss the night time closeness.
Hey Joan,
I answered your questions via email – just because it seems like you’ve got a bunch of specific food-related things going on. Hope you got my message!
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Interview Part I Baby Swings and Safe Sleep
Yes- sorry I’ve become such a flake now that I’m a Mom. I read your reply and really appreciate you taking time to consider our situation. I’ve been on an elimination diet recently to help him with his digestion (resisted it for ever because of zero scientific support that it would matter until I got so tired of seeing my little guy in pain that I figured it certainly couldn’t hurt – and now he seems much happier and more at ease. Could also be that he’s maturing but I’ll know more when I start adding foods back in).
We had some set backs to his night sleeping recently after time change and vaccines and I can’t stand to try something new when he’s upset and screaming already in the evening. Now that he’s in better spirits (and today he napped for over 2 hours in his swing and then another hour after nursing! Unheard of!) we will start addressing night time sleep. I may post again as we deal with that or later issues! Thanks for caring about us tired out parents!
Hey Alexis! First off, thank you so much for the countless hours you spend helping us sleep-deprived mamas. I have spent many evenings scouring your blog and have walked away with a lot of great tips (and a lot of comfort knowing that I am not the only one struggling with my baby’s sleep)!
My daughter is almost 5 ½ months and 13.5lbs. After reading your blog I realized she had a huge boob/sleep association as I was nursing her back to sleep 9 or 10 times a night. Two weeks ago, we moved her from a co-sleeper next to our bed into her crib and let her CIO. We made sure to do a solid bedtime routine starting around 6:45pm-nurse, bath, book, bed (with 20 min in between the nursing and bed). Her room was dark, we had loud white noise playing, she was wearing Merlyn’s magic sleep suit, and we used the same cue words each time “Night, Night”. The first night she cried for 40 min, the second 20 min, and the third 10 min. She still sometimes fusses a little bit, but sometimes goes to sleep without a peep. We had a few good nights where she was sleeping 4 hours before waking to feed. CIO worked in the fact that I can now put her down initially at night awake, without nursing her and without too much of a fuss. Or so I thought….
The problem was that she was waking up two hours after I put her down and wanting to nurse. I tried just patting her tummy and saying our cue words, but that just seemed to make her more upset, so I would nurse her. She continued to wake every hour and a half to two hours after that ALL NIGHT LONG. Each time she woke, I would nurse her for just a few minutes before she fell back asleep.
Fast-forward to last night. My husband and I decided that she still most likely has the boob/sleep association since I was nursing her two hours after being put down. Maybe I was still in essence nursing her to sleep? We decided last night that we would not feed her before the 3-hour mark and that HE would do the feedings. The problem is that after he fed her and put her down in her crib, she did not drift off into dreamland-she screamed. Her first waking at 9pm she cried for around 20 min. before falling asleep. She woke again at midnight. He fed her and put her down and she screamed. She screamed for a solid hour. At that point, I could not listen to her scream any longer and my husband put her in the swing (she still naps in the swing by her crib, but has not slept in it at night since 3 ½ months). Mercifully, she went to sleep as soon as we put her in the swing and she slept until 3:45, he fed her, put her back in the swing (no crying). She woke at 5:15, I fed her, and put her back to sleep in the swing sans crying and she slept until 7:15.
My questions are:
Does my husband continue to do the night feedings for a while, putting her back down in the crib and letting her cry until she falls asleep? Would this be like CIO in that it would get better after a few days?
Or
Does he continue to do the night feedings and we resort back to the swing for nighttime sleep? I feel like this would be taking a huge step back because I know it is something I am going to have to wean her from again. Could it be that the white noise and magic sleep suit are not doing enough to soothe her and she still needs the swing to navigate through her sleep cycles?
My husband tends to think that we should stick it out in the crib. We will be travelling a lot in the upcoming months and it won’t always be possible to bring our swing with us. I however, cannot stand to hear her cry for hours upon during the middle of the night. If you think a few days of her crying in the crib at night should solve the problem then we may try that.
Thanks so much! Any help is MUCH appreciated!
You are really answering your own question and your own answer is the RIGHT one.
She’s effectively taking a nap – wakes up and is nursed back to sleep which then puts you on the “nurse all night” path. When you figured this out and said – no nursing to sleep baby she’s freaking out on you.
The reason she is screaming is NOT because she’s hungry (you just fed her) it’s because she wants to nurse to sleep. You went through the rough night and I’m assuming by now that things are markedly better. But two thoughts just in case you’re still struggling:
1) If the swing makes the crying go away I TOTALLY think it’s a worthy interim step because getting OUT of the swing is unlikely to cause many tears.
If the option is:
a) Baby in swing or
b) Baby cries for 1 hour, I’m going to lean towards a.
2) If you put her down awake (don’t let her fall asleep on the boob) it may be OK to nurse at night. I say this just in case the night pumping and what have you is not a party for you. If you’re doing just fine with Dad going in then feel free to sleep on and let him deal with it [insert evil Mommy laugh here ;]
Alexis recently posted..Weaning Baby Off the Swing
Hi Alexis! I’ve been reading your website, and I’m starting to have some hope that my 4 month old may eventually sleep on his own.
DS was a colicky baby and needed to be constantly held/rocked for the first 3 months. Now, he’s not nearly as fussy, but he can’t fall asleep without motion. I’m looking into buying a swing, but I have some questions. At 4 months old, is it too late for the swing? He’s small (13.5 lbs), so he’ll definitely fit in one for awhile. Do you leave the baby in the swing all night? He’s actually able to sleep in the crib once he soundly falls asleep in our arms (and we transfer him without waking up, not such a small feat), but he’ll only sleep a maximum of 2-3 hours at a time overnight. I don’t have a problem with him waking up, it’s really more getting him back to sleep that is frustrating at this point. I have to walk around the apartment like a zombie for sometimes up to an hour. It’s time for a change!
Thanks,
Jessica
Hi Jessica
I am certainly no expert as I have sleep issues with my own bub but I was in a similar situation with my bub and tossing up wether to get a swing.
My bub was sleeping OK at night in the bassinet but had to be fully rocked and nursed until completely zonked out before we could put her down. Then she would grumble and fuss a bit every 2 hrs until waking comletely at 4 for a feed.
I decided to get one at 3 months and she was 13lbs at the time. The FP cradle and swing will take them through to 11kg (24lbs).
I put her in the swing with it going on the lowest speed all night and it helps her stay asleep until the 4am feed. I love it. I wish a had one in the early days so I wasn’t such a zombie. I am working at putting her down completely awake – the swing is helping with this too – but I am not 100% there yet. Still she can go down awake at least once a day and the rest of the time she needs to be drowsy.
The angle of the swing may also help your bub as if he is fussy he might have slight reflux or gas issues.
Only thing is Batteries. You will need to replace them once a week
Hey Jessica – what could I possibly say that would be more powerful than Jess’s fantastic story! Cheers Jess for sharing
PS. Check out the latest post and my first every video where Dr. Karp talks about safe swing use.
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Interview Part I Baby Swings and Safe Sleep
Hi Alexis,
Thanks again for all of the great information on this site! I am hoping you can address the issue of habitual waking for a dream feed. We are doing pretty well with our little one and sleep these days but she has started to wake exactly 2 hours after going to sleep every night. Background: 6 months old, formula fed, wakes at 6-6:30am takes 3 naps a day, morning nap normally 2 hrs, mid-day nap 1 hr, cat nap 30-45min and goes to bed between 6:30-7pm. She is never up for more than 3 hours before bedtime so I do not think she is overtired. We have done a dream feed with her since a couple months old at 9:30-10pm and I think she is waking anticipating that. So my question is how to solve this? If she starts fussing and we don’t go to her she often cries up until the time of the dream feed and then we go in and feed her anyway. If we go to her and sooth her, pat give pacifier etc. she will normally easily go back down but is up 30 min later crying again. I am just confused if letting her CIO does anything her since we always go in and feed her? After the dream feed she normally sleeps through the night or wakes once. She only takes 4oz in the dream feed but since she is just starting solids I thought it was to soon to drop it. Any tips would be appreciated! Thanks.
If I were you, I would read her posts about night weaning for your dream feed problem. With a formula fed baby you just slowly add more water than formula. This technique actually worked well for a friend of mine trying to get her baby to sleep through the night.
Jessica – nothing makes me happier than thoughtful responses from other parents. Cheers for sharing
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Interview Part I Baby Swings and Safe Sleep
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for this site. I have a question that I think very many people need answered, but something FEW people actually talk about: sleep RE-training. I need help.
We did Weissbluth’s CIO at 6months with fantastic results. He slept like a champ after that and we needed to re-train (effortlessly, to be honest) after a few bouts of colds, etc. but it was nothing too bad.
But now my son is 15 months old and he’s gone through about 4 colds in the past two months. He also had an ear infection which is now going away. During this time, I went into his room and comforted him, but then would lay him back down. This started going from a 15 minute wake up to 2 hours, in the middle of the night. And then it went from 2 hours to multiple wake ups. Then it went from that to also not sleeping as soon as he gets into his crib when we put him down for the night. And then the last week has been me co-sleeping with him, which is a nightmare because he’s not used to sleeping with a person in the first place so he tosses and turns all night long and mostly dozes.
The most I’ve let him CIO is 30 minutes during this time because I felt bad he was ill. But now he’s better so I’m wondering how to approach re-training him, and what to expect. His screams are LOUD – nothing like what we heard when he was an infant.
He wakes up usually at 7-7:30am, nap at 12:45pm (1.5 hours on average) and bedtime routine starts at 7:20, and into crib by 7:45.
What should I do to retrain? I’ve re-read Weissbluth’s book about CIO but I can find little to no help about what to do. Please, please help me. I’m exhausted beyond words.
For starters, I would talk to him about it over dinner or lunch or something. I know this sounds silly but he understands your words. TELL him that you love him. TELL him that you will put him in bed at bedtime and won’t be coming back in. TELL him how important sleep is so he can grow big and strong like Daddy.
PS. If he were 2.5 there would be a whole lot of behavioral things you could do during the day but he’s just 1 so your list is pretty short
Listen you are stuck in a bad hamster wheel and you can see it’s getting worse. He’s fighting sleep to be with you and to avoid the surprise of your disappearing. It’s a slippery slope and you are neither the first nor the last parent to get stuck in this place.
But at 15 months there is no secret trick, it’s really the same as it was at 6 months. I love you, I’ll see you in the morning, it’s time for sleeps my love. And you leave.
PS. Let me know how things go, OK?
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Interview Part I Baby Swings and Safe Sleep
I have four children. I know all the “tricks” but my last baby is now 5 months old and is a TERRIBLE sleeper. He went from sleeping 5 to 7 hour stretches, eating, then sleeping another few hours to sleeping maybe 2 hours at best. This started happening around 12 weeks old. He has TERRIBLE gas and also reflux. The meds aren’t helping and he just cannot seem to stay asleep for more than 5 minutes most of the time. The only way he can sleep decent is in his swing and that just grates on my nerves because I know it’s causing bad habits. We can’t figure out the cause of his extreme gas.
He puts himself to sleep often but wakes 10 minutes later or less. I have tried letting him cry and cry and cry and he just pukes and pukes and pukes and gets gassier and never seems to improve. The doctor tells me some babies just have bad tummies and that he should improve around 7 to 8 months. I’m so tired that I give up between 3 and 5 am and put him in the swing now so that I can sleep at least a few hours before my 5 year old and 3 year old twins wake up. I have helped others with sleep problems with their babies but this baby is beyond me. I have considered him having a food allergy but it doesn’t seem like he fits that description exactly. I’m tired and lost as to what to do and feeling downright miserable. I just thank God both of my twins weren’t like this. This baby keeps me up just as much or more than they did between the two of them! Do you think that sometimes there is a baby that just can’t be helped?
Hi there,
my son was very similar to yours. He had very bad colic for 4-5 months and was diagnosed with silent reflux when he was three months. However, for us, the meds worked wonders. We also picked up terrible sleep habits along the way as we spent day and night trying to calm our son. He LOVED the baby bjorn. So, I honestly spent up to 8 hours a day walking with him in it around town. After he was diagnosed with reflux it all made sense why he loved the bjorn so much. Anyhow, what I wanted to tell you is that my son eventually started to sleep in his carseat placed in his crib. I was so thankful he was sleeping I didn’t care where it was! He is still in there. I tried a couple of times to lay him in his crib sans carseat but he just cries and cries. He still gets reflux attacks so I suspect he feels uncomfortable….so, back in the carseat he goes. I wouldn’t sweat that he is in his swing….he probably just feels good in there
what I also wanted to tell you is that we hired a postnatal doula who had baby sleep expertise to help us sort out some residual sleep issues. After going through what I did with my son, I have learned that there are so many resources out there to help….including this wonderful website
I know I didn’t provide you any answers….i just wanted to give you my experience so that you know you are not alone. Reflux babies are hard work
You poor poor woman. I don’t know how you do it. CONGRATS for staying sane.
I am not sure I can help but My little guy {from about 2 months old} had horrible gas issues and would go 12+ days without a BM. He is and was a breast fed baby and I finally figured out why he was so gassy in the early months. Or I narrowed it down at least, I stopped eating certain foods {no dairy, no white flours, reduced certain veggies, but that had no affect on his issues. Then when my son turned 6 months, I started feeding babyfood {P- fruits like prunes, pears, peaches} and he started to have BM’s on a daily basis! The gas issues were gone!!! I can’t say for sure but I think him being on a strictly breastfed diet was causing the issue because of the high iron level in my water. It is safe, and was tested. But maybe when you start to move to baby food, it will help. Oh and my guy has issues when I feed him cereal {oatmeal or rice} with not having a BM’s as well, so I stick to fruits an veggies. Good luck.
No I don’t. Honest.
For starters I would go 100% off milk protein (read labels it’s EVERYWHERE) for at least 2-3 weeks because statistically that’s the issue.
If you’re feeling bad about the swing, don’t. See the link below for Dr. Karp video on swings and safe sleep.
Don’t fight it – embrace it!
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Interview Part I Baby Swings and Safe Sleep
I tried going off of dairy a couple of months ago and there was absolutely no change whatsoever.
I was so relieved when I read about swing sleep on your site. I was also chatting with you via facebook about it. I really appreciate you and love your philosophy! I felt like everything was going to be okay. So I put the swing in his room, bought two swings actually and kept one where it’s always been…and then I said goodbye to my sleepless nights. The very day I decided to embrace the swing he decided he didn’t care for it any more than the crib. He is barely even napping now. He will stay up for 12 hours with maybe 40 minutes of interrupted sleep in there. I know he is overtired…but the kid won’t sleep.
He is starting to not just be wide awake and fussy the entire evening anymore…just goes to sleep and wakes up repeatedly but at least he goes to sleep some of it! So I guess that’s improvement? Although he wakes more during the night more than ever before. He was born October 9th…so he’s about 5 1/2 months old by the way.
The middle of the night stuff is a total disaster. He won’t fall asleep even in the swing, in my arms, in the crib, just bites me when I try to nurse him to sleep in desperation. It’s truly crazy. I have never heard of a baby quite like this and I, like you, have helped parents through sleep issues with their own children. I’m just feeling hopeless and depressed at this point. I try talking to the doctor and he thinks everything is fine, that he’s just not a good sleeper. I was really hoping the swing was the answer but it’s definitely not. I guess the point of this post is just to let some frustration out and hope that some one in my situation will shed some light on things. I feel like there is nothing left to try and I have to accept this crazy, sleepless, unhappy person I have become. I’ll keep trying though, and keep reading the same things over and over and hope that sometime, hopefully sooner than later, he will sleep okay. I’m not even asking for a full night’s sleep…just 5 hours of even interrupted sleep I can function on…but these almost sleepless nights and days are making me nuts!
Hi Alexis
I love your site! Since becoming a new mum I have become obsessed with sleep and your info has been useful while not making me feel like a failure
I have a 4 month old who is starting to fight her sleep routine.
She is an OK sleeper (bed at 7.30 – 8pm, wakes around 4 – 5am back down till 7.30am, with about 4 to 5 40min naps through the day). However this last week or so everytime I start the sleep/nap routine she will start to cry and arch and squirm. Routine is: change nappy, swaddle, dummy, white noise, lullably while rocking/patting, then into the swing.
I persist and she still goes down within 5 – 20mins (sometimes longer). The thing is she is fighting it more and more each day. Last night it took 1 and 1/2 hr and I ended up having to nurse her to sleep in the loungeroom with lights on watching TV. She would be crying in her room even while being nursed (dark with white noise, swing going and ready) then when we would walk out into the hall with her still in our arms she would relax and look all sleepy.
Should I look at dropping or changing the sleep cues? She hates being swaddled but I have to swaddle her for the dummy to stay in otherwise she rubs her face and the dummy falls out and she cries for it. I would like her to keep the dummy if possible as that is what she seems to find the most soothing. She also has reflux and allergic proctocollitis (tried elimination diet but couldn’t find the culprit).
The first nap of the morning is the only time she will go down awake then she has to be increasingly more drowsy each time until at bed time I have to put her down fully asleep.
Are we ultimately destined for cryitoutsville?
This sounds almost exactly like our 4 month old daughter up until about two weeks ago. Now, we fight to get her down each night AND I think we’re in the throws of a sleep regression (waking every three hours, only will go back to sleep if nursed, wakes again 20 minutes later). I would love to hear any advice anyone has on the resistance to bedtime routine OR how to get her back to sleep sans nursing.
Hi Alexis,
Your site, is so great ! If you could give me any tips I would be do grateful! My 5 minth old baby sleeps well at night (7-7) sleeps for 10 hours, has quick feed then sleeps for another 2.
Napping is our problem. He will only sleep for 35- 40 minutes at a time. I have been working on naps as he used to be fed to sleep but I now have a routine: lights out, music, sleeping bag, put into cot awake & he falls asleep. We have set nap times of 9am, 12.30pm & 4pm.
He wakes up happy after the 12.30 & 4pm nap but always wakes crying at lunchtime. I have tried leaving him to cry to see if he will settle but he gets really worked up.
Recently I have been feeding him when he wakes from his lunchtime nap & letting him sleep on me. I’m hoping to set his clock to sleep longer then!
Sorry for long email but any tips would be great!!
Wow, your website has been a lifesaver for us. Thank you so much.
We’ve done CIO twice for our almost 7 month old. It WAS going pretty well. He went to sleep at 8 with about 5 minutes of crying. We were feeding him at 11 and 3, and he would wake at 5. We put him in the bed with us at 5 and he would sleep until 7.
Our doctor says, given his size and age, he doesn’t need to eat at night at all, so we’ve been trying to wean off of the 3 am feed. We’re down to a half ounce, but the last couple of nights he’s been waking up around 330 or 4 and screaming with no signs of stopping.
Here are my questions:
1. Is it possible he still needs the 3am feeding? Or are the feedings we’ve been giving him making him wake up?
2. Is the 5am protocol okay? What if he starts waking up earlier than that? Do we leave him to cry in his crib?
3. How do we stop bringing him into the bed totally?
Thank you so much.
update or desperate update: last night was horrible, and tonight was horrible. we tried going back to 2 oz at 3am. fed him last night, he fell asleep while i burped him, and when i put him down in his crib, he started wailing. just screaming with no sign of stopping. at this point i don’t think it’s the weaning, but what could it be? we’re willing to let him cry, but there are two problems:
1. because he’s slept so long at that point, he’s not falling back to sleep once he’s woken up, so the screaming wasn’t dying down at 10, 15 or even 20 minutes.
2. he just learned how to pull himself up to standing last week. it wasn’t a problem until last night when he pulled himself up during the crying. when we put him back down, he screamed harder, obviously. when we let him stay standing, he fell and hit his head and, obviously, screamed even harder.
finally i just brought him into bed with me and held him until he fell asleep. he stopped crying, but he babbled to himself for about 45 minutes before falling asleep.
1. so how do i handle the early, early morning waking?
2. is weaning complicating matters?(i’m inclined to think no because we went back to 2oz last night, and he was on 2 oz at 3am and sleeping just fine for weeks)
3. that standing thing! how on earth do we deal with this?
tonight when we put him down to sleep he cried (and stood) for 30 minutes. finally he fell without hitting his head and fell asleep. he hasn’t cried at bedtime for a really long time. i am at a loss as to what to do next.
i am desperate. last night he woke up at 2am screaming his head off. waited 15 minutes and it didn’t stop. i picked him up and he fell right to sleep. i held him for 20 minutes and put him in the crib. he woke again at 5. it’s obviously not the weaning because he went from 11 to 5 without eating.
he screamed for 12 minutes at bedtime, standing. my husband went in and put him down and he was asleep in 2 minutes. it’s 11pm now, and he’s been screaming for 15 minutes. before last night, i can’t remember how long it’s been since he’s woken up so early in the night. i don’t know what’s happening. i don’t know what to do. this is ten times worse than when we cried it out last time.
Our 6 month old now knows how to fall asleep on his own after we visited cryitoutsville for a few days. The night time waking situation improved too, but he was still waking up 3-4 times a night and was hungry. I was like, why oh why is he still waking up? Then I got the Ferber book and lo and behold, he gave me the answer. It’s completely obvious so I dont know why I missed it. But yes, I’ve made night time meal time and he’s still hungry. Now I’m weaning him off by increasing times between meals by 30 minutes each night and so far, its working. I’m down to 2 feedings. Just wanted to share. Seems like a common situation. Btw, Ferber’s book is great and I dont know why he gets such a bad rep.
Hi Claudia,
Thanks for the reply. I really love how readers have been helping each other out.
I agree–my gut is that the feedings are waking him up. I’m trying to wean, but I’m hitting some roadblocks. One of the issues is that he’ll wake up at the time of his expected feeding or earlier. When you were spacing the feedings out, did your guy ever wake before you were prepared to feed him? Did you let him cry until it was time?
Thanks!
When he wakes up before the time I am supposed to feed him that night, I let him cry. Usually this doesn’t last long, at most 10 minutes. When he wakes next, its usually the right time or a little after even. I don’t let him cry hard or for too long at night, since I know he can fall asleep on his own. So if he is crying at a 10 for more than a few minutes, I know something is genuinely hungry. Last night, he was up to 4 hours between feedings. Hopefully tonight, 4.5!
Ellie, when you say, “One of the issues is that he’ll wake up at the time of his expected feeding or earlier,” do you mean that you would like to be waking him up to feed instead of him waking up? From what I understand, he should wake up for the feeding. If he wakes up before, does he cry? What do you do?
Oh wait, I just saw that you wrote that he wakes screaming with no signs of stopping. I have a friend that watered down the formula gradually until it was just water. Have you tried that?
Also, about the 5 am wake up, we have the same problem, only he has had a good night’s sleep, he won’t even go back to sleep in bed with me usually. Sometimes he wakes up at 6 or 6:30 though…he’s not that consistent. With the time change today, I decided not to adjust his schedule but just to put him to bed an hour later (tho to him the same.) Maybe that will make a difference. Fingers crossed! Otherwise, any suggestions for early morning wake ups?
Hi All,
Hoping someone might be able to help us! My 7.5 month of has been having trouble falling asleep on and off for the last 4 months. He can put himself to sleep just fine for naps, we have adjusted his schedule, tried earlier / later bedtimes, etc. he naps every 2-3 hours during the day and is generally well rested. Many nights he will cry for up to 2 hours to fall asleep. I go in there comfort him, pat him, etc. every 5 minutes but it clearly isn’t working. I’m at my wits end. Any idea why he can do it during the day but not at night? Any advice would be appreciated!!!
Michelle,
What sticks out to me is going in every 5 minutes. You are interrupting his self-soothing every time you show up. You should START with every 5 minutes but then go in every 10, 20, 30 (this is according to Ferber.) But I hadn’t gotten the Ferber book when I did CIO, i had a sleep consult, and according to her, you only go in if baby seems very distressed for a long time. Of course you want to reassure baby that you haven’t abandoned him, but you don’t want to get in the way of his process, his struggle to figure out how to do this on his own. If you want, I can send you some literature that completely helped us.
Hi Claudia,
Thank you so much for your reply! We actually do 5 minute checks at the suggestion of a sleep consultant bc I was trying to avoid CIO. However at this point he has already cried so much and we are so frustrated that I know I have to look at other options. I’d love to see the literature you’re talking about. You can email it to me at [email protected]
Thank you!!!
Hi everyone – I am so glad I found this site. I was able to do cry it out successfully a few weeks back using various techniques I read here from Alexis and other readers. Now my problem seems to be regression. My 8 month old goes to bed beautifully but now shrieks in the middle of the night. I used to be able to pat his back and he would go back to sleep. The last few nights, he has been screaming until I finally give in (usually at an hour). Now, I have committed to, as Alexis states, 7 days of just letting him figure it out. I make sure I eliminate any other culprits (hunger, teething, etc)
Does anyone know why this type of regression happens? Any tips on how to deal?
My mother keeps telling me its because he misses mom and wants the middle of the night snuggle since I work all day. Talk about working mom guilt
Update and advice needed: I am trying to wean my 6 month old from night nursing and night wakings. He can fall asleep on his own now. The first two nights went great. Because our starting point was 3 hours between feedings, we were now doing 3.5 between feedings. When he woke up before 3.5 hours I let him cry lightly back to sleep (5-10 minutes.) Next night, 4 hours. Awesome, it worked. Night 3: woke up at 3 hours and was shreiking and wouldn’t stop! (ok I didnt let him go that long.) So i ended up feeding him every 3 hours. Also, when he woke at 5, I brought him into bed with me, where he slept till 7:15. I would love for him to sleep till 7 but usually he is up much earlier. I can’t get any consistency to his routine, except that I always put him to bed at the same time (8) and put him down for naps at same time. However, when there is such a huge difference in wake times, I have to shift naps, throwing off the whole day and any plans. Also for naps, he sometimes sleeps 1.5 hours, sometimes 30 minutes. I just can’t track this guy down, he’s like a slippery otter! Any advice? I know I’m all over the place!
did you kidnap my baby, claudia? we have similar issues. our feeds were a little more stable, but when we tried to wean (by reducing the amount every night instead putting more time in between feeds), the s hit the fan. i wrote some more about it above, but basically he’s not been going back to sleep at 330/4. we’ve also been bringing him into bed at 5. AND he’s also slippery when it comes to naps, so it’s impossible to put him on a schedule. no advice, just wanted to commiserate.
Yes, last night he woke up at 4:30, I fed him and was prepared to let him fall asleep in my arms. Nope! He was up and a bit crabby. I ended up putting him into his crib where he cried for 15 minutes, and he was really shrieking. I knew he wouldn’t fall asleep so I picked him up and I felt guilty I let him cry. He was so upset! I let him play and then nursed him back to sleep by 6. He slept in the bed until 7. I do not mind letting him in the bed in the morning but is it causing confusion/inconsistency?
Naps are starting to fall into place since I institued a strict nap schedule. No matter when he woke up in the morning or how long he napped last, nap times are always the same. Yesterday he had a 1.5 hour nap and 2 hour nap! Amazing! Though is that what made him so well rested that he was up at 4:30 am? Any thoughts?
After that rambling, I just want to say, thank you Ellie, for replying. It feels good to know there are others dealing with the same stuff! Great that we can support each other here. I love this site! So informative and Alexis’s writing is hilarious! God knows we all need a chuckle about this crazy stuff. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m completely obsessive about this sleep issue. I mean, I’m always obsessed with something, and right now, this is IT! Anyone else feeling like that?
Glad to hear the naps are going well. Not sure what to do with that very late night/early morning waking. Well, right now everything is out of whack. There’s no rhyme or reason to the screaming.
And, yeah, this site and this community have been great. Thanks, Claudia, for your support, too.
Alexis,
I need your advice. I have posted here before about my son. he is now 10 1/2 months old and has recently (the past 2 weeks) not been going down at all for his daycare sitter. He will cry for an hour and 1/2 or more. Is this normal? I think half the problem is he is ready for his morning nap by the time he gets to daycare but gets excited to see the other kids so he is immediatley stimulated. Also he barely wakes up the same time every day. He has been getting up at night for a bottle around 4:30 so i usually give into that and let him have it in the crib so i can catch some more zz’s. He is usually awake by 6am and then off to daycare about 8:15ish. yesterday was a bad day at daycare and he barely napped so he was a nightmare to get to bed (cried for over an hour)woke up cranky this morning too so was really cranky going off to daycare. he hasn’t slept longer then 40 minutes today and has been crying all afternoon. The babysitter has been updating me.. I am at a loss. do you think this is a phase? what would you do. I have so much anxiety over this. PLease help!
Tricia recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
oh and sorry but my mother who had 4 children of her own said she has never seen a baby like this and i am pretty sure his daycare sitter said the same. he just never wakes at the same time so it is hard to get him on a good schedule.
thanks again!
Tricia
Tricia recently posted..A Study in Sleep Training Part 2
Tricia,
My son is 10.75 months and just completed a nap phase, I nursed him to sleep for naps only for two weeks, and this barely worked. This week he seems back to normal. I would give him another week and hopefully it will change. Good luck, but if he was doing ok before, I think he’ll go back.
S
Not that i’m afraid of change… it’s hard to force the other two little ones to go through it with us! lol. reflux, non-pacifier, non swaddled, waking.single.hour 14 weeks old on my hands… letting him fuss/cry through anything in the night does nothing but wake up my 4 and 1 year old
Alexis,
A little background on us. My son is 8 1/5 months old. From 0-3 months I worked really hard to put him in his crib every night, no matter how long it took. I was on maternity leave so I had the time to do that. When I went back to work I had to finally get some sleep. Needless to say I ended up bringing him to bed with me and nursing him to sleep from 3-6 months. At 6 months we tried the CIO method and had some success, but then he got sick and we had to stop. Now at 8 1/5 months we have decided to try CIO again.
I just stumbled upon your website a couple of days ago. For the past 2 nights we have been using your CIO method. And it has worked! Both nights he has cried for about 30 minutes and then fallen asleep. The first night he woke up for his middle of the night feeding, but the second night he slept 8 hours straight! I want to thank you so much for all the help on your website.
I just have one question. I know we should not worry about naps until we have the night time routine down good. But, when we are ready to tackle naps should be use the same approach that we use at night? Let him CIO until he falls asleep no matter how long it takes? Also, he goes to a small in home daycare while I am at work. Because she has other kids that are taking a nap at the same time my son is, she doesn’t feel she can let him CIO. How do you juggle the consistency when the daycare lady does something differant that you do on the weekends. Any help would be much appreciated.
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for all your wisdom and experience shared
your website is then only website I feel doesn’t push their theory down your throat or make you feel like a bad mother for doing what helps to make you cope.
My question is now my daughter is 4.5 months I want to get the sleep sorted out, I want to get her of the dummy, and also stop the co-sleeping as I can’t sleep with her in bed with me as she fusses all night and me shifting her and patting her really is the only thing keeping her asleep. But is it too much to try all these things at once, should I just focus on one at time? I also want to get her in her cot in her own room to.
She has three naps a day 45min, 2hr and 45min, I have white noise and swaddled! She was sleeping thought the night but now wakes every three hours or so. She goes to bed around 7-730, an her last sleep has her waking at 5. But all this can change if she decides to sleep longer, so my other question is should I wake her to keep her on track?
Thank you so much for all you support
I also wanted to add she can nap less which really throws me out and makes it hard to have a consistent bedtime, but I don’t know if I should wake her and put her down based on time not awake time?
So. I can’t believe that I am writing to a cio advocate but you seem more sane that I feel right now. I Love this blog.
I have a beautiful 4.5mo baby boy. Its been a rough ride. Screaming from the first week which only stopped when parked on the boob. So he hung out there a lot. We tried rocking hushing swaddling white noise bouncing on the ball… the works. He wouldn’t go to sleep…just screamed until he got plonked back on his boob. Turns out he had a milk allergy (and possibly a couple of others). His poor tummy had hurt so much. Well. Now he still doesn’t want to give up his favorite hang out spot. Or sleep.
So… naps are still almost non existant (he will go from 7am until bedtime with no naps unless I nurse him and hold him while he sleeps). Bedtime is a screaming ordeal unless we rock him and hold him sometimes for three or four hours. Then once he is asleep it is for HOURS – no complaints there! If I leave the room he screams. So for four and a half months I have held him and I am so tired.
Questions …
1) he is a talented screamer, and there are tears. Does this mean he is scared? He gets super worked up and I feel awful. We are trying cio as per Pediatricians advice but night 4 of screaming I feel I am just torturing him. Is screaming bad vs crying? It is for 90 minutes!
2) he can fully roll so swaddling is out. He never cared for the sound machine -i slept great! – so what comfort can I give him when we’re leaving him?
3) naps???? He wont unless we hold him. He screams in the crib, car, swing… help. If I hold him, he doesn’t sleep as deeply or long as in his rare crib moments and when he wakes I’m still exhausted and often he is still tired and fussy aka hard work. If he has fully slept he is a smart, loveable, bundle of cuteness.
I am running out of emotional energy for him. I love my boy and am heartbroken that he screams at bed/naps…often in my arms.
Any ideas?
Thank you for all this valuable information presented clearly and concisely. I will try to be succinct with my story as well. My questions is concerning naps, but first the background: I have felt that it is my job to “make” my daughter sleep for every nap and every night since she was born (she’s now 11 months). I have read numerous books and sites on baby sleep but the few times I tried any type of put down in crib awake my daughter was hysterical, even using “no cry” techniques and I couldn’t bear it so I went back to nursing to sleep, laying down with her until she falls asleep, etc. I would continue to do this for as long as needed- IF it worked. I either have to nurse her the entire nap, or lay with her in the bed the entire nap, and it typically takes an hour before she even falls asleep, and that’s AFTER a lot of crying! (so that is two hours I spend laying in a bed, and that’s just the morning nap. I know, it’s beyond pathetic). The ONLY place she will fall asleep on her own and stay asleep for a decent amount of time and with little or no fuss, is in the carseat and I have used this occasionally to keep from going insane. Your words totally resonate with me- “it’s not sustainable.” I can’t do it anymore. It’s not even working; at this point, I am probably just a hinderance and therefore don’t feel that CIO is much worse. I feel that my daughter is old enough to understand what I want her to do (I believe she knows what the words “sleep” and “nap” mean). Plus, she has no problems in the carseat where she makes the decision herself to go to sleep instead of fighting it. We have a routine that we do before every nap, I have black out drapes, and we have always used white noise. She just has never slept in her crib (neither put down awake or asleep). So, I have accepted the fact that I am looking at CIO for naps and have made as much peach with that as I can. I have started this week by sitting in bed next to her while reading (as opposed to lying down pretending to sleep until she sleeps). She still cries because I am not engaging with her in the hopes that she will sleep, and she has only fallen asleep this way for one nap that I’m sure was very crappy. Should I bother staying with her for the first few days next week when I move her to the crib, or should I leave the room and give her an hour to cry or fall asleep (per Weissbluth)? Should I attempt both naps or start with one? If AM nap doesn’t happen should I put her in the carseat for PM to prevent over-tiredness for night? Do you have any other advice?
* I am concentrating on naps right now. We co sleep at night this is the only tim it doesn’t take very long for her to fall asleep with me beside her and she will stay asleep after I leave.
** I am married, but function as a single parent due to the demands from my husband’s job that leave him often sleep deprived and with very little free time. So, no help with sleeping for day or night (ever, not even once)
JT recently posted..5 Things I Learned from Doing Sleep Consults
Thank you for all this valuable information presented clearly and concisely. I will try to be succinct with my story as well. My question is concerning naps, but first the background: I have felt that it is my job to “make” my daughter sleep for every nap and every night since she was born (she’s now 11 months). I have read numerous books and sites on baby sleep but the few times I tried any type of put down in crib awake my daughter was hysterical, even using “no cry” techniques and I couldn’t bear it so I went back to nursing to sleep, laying down with her until she falls asleep, etc. I would continue to do this for as long as needed- IF it worked. I either have to nurse her the entire nap, or lay with her in the bed the entire nap, and it typically takes an hour before she even falls asleep, and that’s AFTER a lot of crying! (so that is two hours I spend laying in a bed, and that’s just the morning nap. I know, it’s beyond pathetic). The ONLY place she will fall asleep on her own and stay asleep for a decent amount of time and with little or no fuss, is in the carseat and I have used this occasionally to keep from going insane. Your words totally resonate with me- “it’s not sustainable.” I can’t do it anymore. It’s not even working; at this point, I am probably just a hinderance and therefore don’t feel that CIO is much worse. I feel that my daughter is old enough to understand what I want her to do (I believe she knows what the words “sleep” and “nap” mean). Plus, she has no problems in the carseat where she makes the decision herself to go to sleep instead of fighting it. We have a routine that we do before every nap, I have black out drapes, and we have always used white noise. She just has never slept in her crib (neither put down awake or asleep). So, I have accepted the fact that I am looking at CIO for naps and have made as much peace with that as I can. I have started this week by sitting in bed next to her while reading (as opposed to lying down pretending to sleep until she sleeps). She still cries because I am not engaging with her in the hopes that she will sleep, and she has only fallen asleep this way for one nap that I’m sure was very crappy. Should I bother staying with her for the first few days next week when I move her to the crib, or should I leave the room and give her an hour to cry or fall asleep (per Weissbluth)? Should I attempt both naps or start with one? If AM nap doesn’t happen should I put her in the carseat for PM to prevent over-tiredness for night? Do you have any other advice?
* I am concentrating on naps right now. We co sleep at night this is the only tim it doesn’t take very long for her to fall asleep with me beside her and she will stay asleep after I leave.
** I am married, but function as a single parent due to the demands from my husband’s job that leave him often sleep deprived and with very little free time. So, no help with sleeping for day or night (ever, not even once)
Apologies- the second submission has fewer typos and errors. The screen wouldn’t let me see what I was typing part of the time.
Some advice if you please. I have a very active 2.5 month old. We’ve settled into a good nightime routine. I bathe her, read her to her for a few min while she has a pacifier, bottle, then I swaddle her in a halo sleep sack and use rocking, shushing and white noise to get her to bed. The routine takes about 45/60 min which is exausting but I keep it all consistent in time and order. It works. She’ll sleep from 9pm till the next morning.
I’ve been told I can’t swaddle for too much longer and that I should try and wean her off. I don’t swaddle for naps and she doesn’t sleep for very long because she’s constantly moving and waking up. I’m about to start work again and I’m terrified of the transition.
I see they sell bigger sleep sacks and special pjs that have arms out but dampen movement. I’m not sure how long I should maintain the swaddle routine. It might be harder later if I keep it going too long but these things are tempting. I’m also not sure how long the rocking, shushing will work on her.
Any advice for the transition between now and the 6mo period when you say she’ll have taught herself enough self comforting to start sleep training.
Thanks so much for your wonderful web page.
After reading Erikas comment I looked to the right of the page and BAM, there was the pay it forward button. I was intrigued so I clicked and the next thing you know I was logging into PayPal hehe. I would totally pay $20 for a book with all the wisdom you’ve shared on this site.
My baby boy is 11 weeks old and we are currently working towards putting down awake. Change is hard. It’s bloody scary. But it’s necessary.
Night time sleep is going reasonably well. We get one chunky sleep (usually… if the baby gods are smiling down on us) of around 5 hours, then 3 hours thereafter. Naps however are sickeningly short and difficult to get him to go down, usually preceded by screeching the second I close the blinds and turn the white noise on…he knows…. 30 mins is the norm with the occasional sneaky 1 hour nap thrown in to get my hopes up. My question is regarding swaddling, he gets out of everything, even the halo sleep sack, I watch as little fingers slowly breach the neck hole then out comes the arm to bat him in his face. If he consistently breaks free does it mean he is done with the swaddle? Any tips on helping him learn to roll over a sleep cycle on his own?
Dear Alexis,
We have a vomiter! And a stander who can’t get herself back down without bopping her head… which makes her cry harder, which makes her vomit, etc. All of which makes for some very difficult sleep training.
The background: She’s 11 months and for ages I enabled her dependency on the boob to sleep. We tried the no-cry sleep solution with some (slow) success. I could place her down awake and she’d fuss for 5 minutes and go to sleep. But with colds and travelling and thus returning to the boob (and now the standing), I don’t know how to proceed. We have a regular bedtime routine (bath, boob, songs, books, snuggle with toy) that starts at 7pm (asleep by 8 on a good day, 7:30 on a great one). She’s never slept through the night though – up typically 2 or 3 times, but sometimes much more. She naps at 10:30 for 1 1/4 hours and 2:30 for 1 1/4 hours. Both naps involving nursing to sleep (which oddly didn’t affect our earlier night time success.)
The problem now: After the bedtime routine, if I put her down awake or very, very drowsy, virtually asleep, she’ll stand up right away. If I leave her be and she realizes she’s tired, she’ll start crying hysterically to the point of throwing up (she may stand for 40 minutes, but once the crying starts, the puking isn’t more than a few minutes behind). If I place her down again, she gets up right away. If I wait and she tries to get down herself, she’ll bump her head and cry and puke. If she successfully gets herself down, which is very rare, then she’ll get right back up again. Any help would be hugely appreciated! (And this is just the going to sleep, then there’s the nightweaning!)
Thanks!
Blaire
Wow – that’s an image. But here’s the challenge and it’s a doozie.
You can’t MAKE her stay down. You’re options are to:
1) Wait it out. Give her TONS of floor time so she masters standing/sitting on her own during the day. Try when she’s comfortable getting up/down without bonking her head.
2) Try to gently calm her WHILE she’s on her back in the crib while STILL leaving before she’s asleep OR standing. Some people gently pat baby belly through the crib and sneak out before they fall asleep. But you have to be mindful that she’s not asleep AND that she doesn’t clue in to the idea that you’re going to stick around if she stands up (standing can be a really powerful trick).
Also? Puking after bonking her head is slightly worrisome. Just how hard is she bonking?
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Part 2 Answers Two Key Swaddling Questions
Thanks so much for your reply Alexis!! We’ve been trying to give her lots of time in her crib in order to master the up and down. (She can manage to get up and down on her own when she cruises along furniture, but I think the crib railing is too high for her and she gets scared. We had to lower the crib to the lowest setting since our “little” girl is already 33.5″ !)
I should clarify that the bonking doesn’t make her puke! The crying does. The bonking is usually quite minor: either she tries to look down while standing and hits her forehead on the railing or she plops down on her bum and then topples over. This distresses her and then the crying – something she’s already prone to when tired – escalates until she throws up. She’ll bonk her head in similar ways during the day as she learns to cruise and stand and it never even garners a reaction from her.
I never thought about the standing up as a kind of trick that demands an audience! But I think you’re absolutely right! When she first stands up, she looks for me as if to ensure I’m witnessing her accomplishment. I may be inadvertently giving too much positive reinforcement to the standing and she’s learned that it gets an immediate response.
Going to try to leave before she stands up tomorrow night! And the tummy (or, in her case shoulder) patting while on her back used to work before she figured out how to stand. She hasn’t responded to it much lately, but perhaps if I do it minimally and then leave.
Thanks again for your suggestions!!
Hi Alexis
My 3 month old had been sleeping great for about a month but now hes getting up 2-3 times a night! He wakes up kicking his legs and fighting to get out of his swaddle so I’ll give him his paci and he will fall asleep but wakes up and hour later kicking and screaming again. Last night was really bad because the second time he woke up (around 4) he woudnt even take the paci and kept spitting it out so i had to pick him and rock him to sleep and he then woke up at 6 which is his normal feeding time. My question is should i give him his paci when he wakes up or just try to comfort him in his crib by shahing and patting (which doesnt really work) or let him CIO? Or is he too young to CIO? I just dont know what to do because i start work in a week and i know i cant be a good mother if i dont get sleep. I should also mention we did try putting him to sleep without being swaddled but his hands still wake him up around the same times and its even harder to calm him during the night wakings. Please help!
I wouldn’t go with CIO but I would look at how to give him the soothing he’s asking for without you having to be up all night too.
STICK with the swaddle. Double swaddle or make sure he’s tightly swaddled. Often the “baby fights swaddle” issue really comes from a “swaddle is too loose” issue. What other soothing can you give him? At this age – loud white noise and possibly a swing would be an option.
I’m ALSO inclined to think this may be a growth spurt. The paci will work if he needs soothing but isn’t hungry. But a growth spurty baby will be HUNGRY and will get PISSED if you try to work the paci in there. It’s a little early (the big one is at 4 months) but it could very well be a growth spurt/sleep regression.
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Part 2 Answers Two Key Swaddling Questions
Absolutely desparate. We did Timed CIO at 5.5 months -awesome, slept through the night 7-4:30/5am. Early riser yes, but I was thrilled.
Flash Forward to 8 months and BAM. Out of no where completely stopped sleeping through and now at 10 months still won’t. Won’t go down without constant reassurance. Up every 45 minutes crawling around his crib screaming. We tried CIO again, no luck. He doesn’t go to sleep if rocked or fed either (so he’s not hungry). At a complete loss. He has been sick several times and teething, but there’s got to be a way to help him. Read about sleep regressions online, but none of my friends/family have ever heard of it or dealt with it, so don’t know if this is a regression (if so does it every end???). He’s MAYBE getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep TOTAL per night. MAYBE.
ANY ADVICE? Should we try the timed CIO again???
So how are you putting him to bed? Here’s my best guess based on your slightly panicked post…
It’s PEAK separation anxiety time. He wants to be with you ALL THE TIME. Also if you’ve been giving reassurance (visiting and what not) he’s probably smart enough to realize that NOT sleeping will keep you coming back. So I think you’ve inadvertently taught your baby to stay up all the time to get you to keep coming in. Does that sound like what is happening? That’s what I’m getting anyhoo.
Alexis recently posted..Dr. Karp Part 2 Answers Two Key Swaddling Questions
THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY! Love your site BTW. The way we put him.down hasn’t changed since when we first got him sleeping through the night -book, song, in crib drowsy but awake. Then one night.he woke up crying and screaming and was hard to settle down and it increased from there. Now the crazy crying hags start the minute we put him down.
Poor guy seems like he’s struggling constantly get to sleep and stay comfy (we watch in the monitor, I’m not in the room all night)
I do think separation anxiety is paying a part but much of the time even when we come in he doesn’t stop crying or settle down. We re-tried the timed crying and he just doesn’t stop for hours. I read Online that I missed my window of retraining and will have to wait it out. We’re just at a loss. And I have lots of baby experience and have never dealt with such a bad sleeper.
Hi Alexis,
Please help….
My son just turned 11 weeks and has really short sleep periods at night. How do I change this or is it normal? Some nights, he’ll only do blocks of 2/2.5 hrs. Other nights, it’s 2.5 – 3.5 hour blocks. He’s a pretty good day time sleeper, first 2 naps are 1-2 hrs each. Third nap is 1-1.5 hr, and if necessary, the fourth nap is 45min – 1.5 hrs. I don’t have a set bedtime or wake up time (should I?).
I’m just wondering if it’s normal/average to still have 2-3 hour blocks at night. He did do 2 nights of 4.5 hrs when he was 7 weeks. When he wakes at night, he seems hungry and I feed him…he eats for 5 minutes and then is dead asleep. I try to partially wake him during the burping session and even with a diaper change; regardless, he doesn’t feed much more after the intial 5 minutes. Sometimes, if he’s done a 3.5 hr stretch, he’ll eat for 7-8 minutes, and then he’ll still have a 2-3 hr sleep stretch after that. I also should mention that I have a lot of milk, probably 3-4 ounces available on each breast during feeding. I have so much that I pump off a bit to ensure he gets to the hindmilk (I only pump off if he’s slept longer than 2.5 hours).
Can you give me some insight? Am I just not being patient enough?
I also wanted to add that he is swaddled for naps and at night. I have white noise and he is always put down drowsy but awake. I don’t feed him to sleep – the only time his feeding comes close to sleep is at night time, I feed him right before he goes in his crib.
He’s a pretty good independent sleeper. That’s what I’m so confused about his short nights. I’ve read that he needs to have enough calories during the day in order to sleep well at night at his age, and I’m pretty sure he’s filling that quota – he’s already 15 lbs!
Kym recently posted..Dr. Karp Part 2 Answers Two Key Swaddling Questions
Hey Kym,
Do you have a good IBCLC to work with? I’m wondering about the supply/foremilk/snacking thing. IF maybe he’s not getting enough hindmilk and thus is snacking all day long.
I don’t believe (note: not an expert) that pumping is usually the answer because pumping UPS your supply and you definitely don’t have a supply problem. Also pumping blows and generally you want to avoid it if you can just because it’s no party
So it’s not that he’s not getting enough calories but if he’s snacking on foremilk all day he’s never filling up enough to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. Just a theory but it may be worth looking into!
Alexis recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Hi Alexis,
An IBCLC was the person that recommended me to pump off before feeding. She said it will cause me to continually pump until he grows into needing the amount of milk that I can produce, but, the alternative is that he gets too much foremilk.
On another note, he did do 7/7.5 hour stretches the last 2 days – however, I’m thinking it’s his 3 month growth spurt that’s making him sleep (his naps have increased from 1.5/2 hrs to 2.5 hrs for the first two naps). He’s 1 week off from his 3 month mark – does this sound like a growth spurt?
Kym recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Hi Alexis:
I think you have one of the best if not THE BEST sleep blog/website out there.
Seeking your or a reader’s advice… as I have before. My LO is just turning 21 months. Currently self soothing at night (usually without tears!!). Bedtime usually around 7:30 PM. He wakes up usually at 7:00 AM or around then. I’m so proud of him for getting this far! It’s taken perserverence on both parts.
I am so thankful to have my mother and MIL taking care of him in the day as I am a Full time working mother. I stayed home with my baby for his first year. Currently He takes one nap usually start varies between 1130am or 12 ish, and for varying lengths sometime 1-1.5 hours. Usually 1 hr 20 minutes.
The Challenge……… he will only sleep for his grandmas for day time naps…. and both of them rock him to sleep for 15 minutes or so and put him down fast asleep. They have always rocked him to sleep. When I stayed home in the first year with him he self soothed in the day napped 2 times a day for 1.5 hours. This changed around 10 months, where I found his naps got spotty and he’d keep himself awake unless he drove around with me in a car.
On and off lately (more often not) he’s napped for me if I put him in the crib to self soothe. On a good day , he will talk to himself and then be sleeping in 20 minutes or a bit. Rocking him for me is not an option… for a few reasons, a. it’s not easy physicallly to rock a toddler for 15- 20 minutes, sometimes longer b. I’ve always believed within myself that him self soothing offers him better sleep habits and better quality sleep. c. I’ve rocked him for sleep for sometimes over 30 minutes.. and he’s still singing to me or talking away. He fights it with me and dad. Co -sleeping does not work for him either.
Lately, the days I am home with him (weekends, sometimes i have long weekends) .. I will follow the same routine… rock to soothe and wind him down lullaby and placed in crib awake -(similiar routine as bedtime). … last time he paced and talked for 45 minutes.. then cried loud and hard till I pick him up. CIO is so tricky in the day .. because or timing of the nap plus lunch.. etc.. I stop my attempts past 2pm, even if i hang in there while he is CIO.. if he’s still crying past 230.. IF he eventually falls asleep, it will be too late in the day.
So you could imagine, my days off with him feels like a struggle just trying to get him rested and take that one nap.
I’ll take 45 minutes even!! Just a bit to recharge his batteries! When I’ve had success… I’ve put him in the crib fairly early around 1045- 11.. to give him time to wind down, and not get him overtired. Maybe I should keep trying that? I have white noise, black out blinds (now). I’ve blamed his napping struggles on teething.. but he has all his teeth now except his 2nd molars..
Staying home on my day off isn’t fun, because it’s a fight to get him rested.. and if he has no rest– it’s a challenge for the rest of the day. WHAT CAN I DO? Am i doing anything right ?! We’ve gone for car rides when i’m really desperate, but sometimes you don’t want to drive around for 1.5hrs.
Thanks for listening.. I’d appreciate any advice.
Hi Marie,
I wanted to send you a quick comment because I went through something very similar with LO1. She is now 27 months and a GREAT sleeper (day and night).
First of all, let me start by saying we use to swing her in her carseat to get her to sleep. At first, it was very easy since she was just shy of 8 lbs. As she grew, it became harder and harder to do this physically. We had the type of combo carseat that can detach from the base and attach to a rocker base; so, whenever she would fall asleep after her swinging session, we would then put the carseat on the rocker base and rock her whenever she started to wake up – sometimes, my husband had to rock her continuously for 45min – 1hr to get her a decent nap. Anyway, when it became physically impossible for me to rock her (at 10 weeks), I had to do something. I contacted a sleep specialist and she told me I had to quit it cold turkey. And we did. It took 3 days of constant crying through naps, but she learned how to sleep w/o the swinging. What we did: at the start of her nap, do her winddown routine and then set her down for her nap period (this depends on the age you start, but, for her, her nap length should have been 1.5 – 2hrs) and leave her there. After the nap period has ended, picked her up, fed & burped her and right back down for the next nap period. Repeat for 3 days. The first day wasn’t so bad, the second day was the worst and the third day was better than the first. On the fourth day, she got the hint and was able to fall asleep on her own. Don’t get me wrong…I was a total wimp and my husband had to do all the work as I cleaned the garage and the car because I couldn’t bear hearing her cry.
Now…to your second issue….the nap time. When my LO1 was around 20-24 months, I remember having to move her nap time. As they get older, their nap times shift…I’ve noticed this with mine as well as many other LO’s around her age. Her nap use to be 12/12:30, now, at 27 months, her nap can range from 1:45 to 2pm. She use to nap at 2:30 and then I saw her naps getting shorter, so, I moved her nap time back up to 2 and now we ASK her if she’s tired around 1:45 and she’ll usually be pretty honest about it.
From what Alexis said, change is hard…but, I think you should try a different nap time for him…especially if he’s talking. My LO1 would roll around and talk and sing…you get the idea. That made me believe that she just wasn’t tired. So, during the morning hours, I make sure she has a lot of physical activity and around 1:30pm, I ask her if it’s story time. If she doesn’t want her stories yet, I MAKE her go to her room by 1:45 for story time. We have a simple winddown; couple of stories, sip of water, hug&kiss, “I love you” and then lights out. She sometimes talks to herself for 10-15 minutes and sometimes she’s asleep in 5 minutes. But, I think when LO’s start to fight their naps, you need to adjust the time a bit.
HTH. Good luck!
Oh…forgot to mention. Her day starts at 7am and ends at 8pm. Even when her nap was at 2pm (and she slept until 4pm), she was still tired enough to go to bed at 8pm. There were days where she slept until 5 because she was super tired from a physical day, and she still went to bed at 8pm. When I say 8pm, I mean, she’s asleep by 8.
Thanks for taking the time to share your ideas Kym. I was going to ask her wake up time and Bedtime. So, it leads me to believe it is a timing thing.
I tried early- to give him time to settle.. and he seems to do better when I’ve done a later Nap time like say putting him down at 12:45 . I haven’t tried later in the day– when he should be really tired.. like 1:30 -2. I wonder if would accept a nap more readily.. it’s worth a shot.
BTW- we are leaving on a family trip to Mexico. I am excited… but the sleep thing makes me anxious.
Do I take an extra week off work to get him on a day routine? Or– do I let Grandma take care of him up till we leave so his sleep tank is full….
We bought a travel crib, and will have a seperate suite for him. Any details beyond that in terms of a plan… are foggy.
I may start a seperate thread for Travel tips…
Sigh*
Thanks Kym!
Marie
Hi Marie,
When we travel, we take crib sheets and a bumper that has been slept in for a few days. That way, it’s very familiar for her and she sleeps well. We also bring her music that we play at naps and night time, so there’s no real “change” other than being in a different room.
For the nap, I think you should try a later time. When you give them a longer wind down, sometimes, it backfires because they are just not tired enough yet. It’s a trial-and-error approach to naps. I think the times shift based on their development as well as the type of activity they’ve had that day.
You (or Grandma) can tweak the nap time – I think I did it in increments of 30/45 minutes.
HTH.
Have fun in Mexico!!
Kym recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Hi Alexis
I want to start by saying that I love your site. It is a shame that I haven’t been able to put to practice all the lovely advice here and I have a terrible 7.5 month sleeper at hands, owing completely to problems created by us.
For starters : he hates pacifiers, we never seriously swaddled him and now he hates it, he cries whenever he is sleepy until he eventually falls to sleep, doesn’t know how to sleep on his own – we have graduated from rocking him to patting his bum and singing while in our laps and then putting him down on his tummy.He sleeps in his crib from day 1, but his crib is next to my bed. So often I do bring him to my bed for few hours in the night as he still wakes up to breastfeed.
Naps: He is great. Needs 5-10 mins of patting and singing and sleeps for 2-2.5 hour stretches – 1-2 naps in a day. Even if he wakes up he goes down again on his own and mostly wakes up happy and ready to play.
Night : The devil comes out. We don’t really have a routine. He breastfeeds/ bottle, I change him, put his sleeping bag on, let him play in his crib, read a book sometimes and he is naturally tired between 8 and 9 PM and asks for sleep. I pat him/bounce him a little and put him down. He wakes up after 45 mins – an hour. I do the same again, he goes down – wakes up again every 30 mins or so and wakes up for good at 10:30-11. Breastfeeds again and the same patting/bouncing routine starts…when he finally goes down at 2 AM !! (After having woken up 3 times between 1 and 2 AM = although completely sleepy). Sleeps for an 60-90 mins in his crib and is up for his next feed around 3-3:30 – when I bring him to bed. He feeds well (no comfort sucking) – and I have to keep him in my lap until 5 (!) , else he keeps crying. Finally I put him to his crib again, when he wakes up after 1.5 – 2 hours for his next feed. Same cycle again and he sleeps good till 9- 10 AM.
As you can see I barely get any sleep in the above story (hubby sleeps in a different room as he goes to work in the morning). If I can get even a 2 hour stretch from my son at night, it is a a big achievement. The surprising thing is that he seems to do well with this terrible sleeping pattern and is happy and chirpy in the day – while I am not !
I must also add that not that he was ever a good sleeper, but this has become worse in the last few weeks. He also always used to fight sleep and used to take 30-45 mins to go down – but while that has improved a lot now, the wake ups have gone worse. He has given me stretches of 4-5 hours earlier…and even almost STTN (waking only for feed 1-2 times) – specially when he was completely exhausted at his daycare by crying the whole day and sleeping only for 30 mins. I am a stay at home mom now and he doesn’t go to daycare anymore.
Hubby and I don’t have the heart for CIO – because we have seen our son crying for long periods at daycare and losing his voice in the process ! He is completely inconsolable afterwards.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO ??
Any help would be highly appreciated !
Thanks a bunch in advance !
You must be EXHAUSTED.
Seriously I don’t even know how you mustered the energy to write such a big comment.
So you know WHY your nights are such a mess right? It’s this:
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
FUll on.
Read the whole series (it’s 3 parts). I’m not saying you have to do CIO but you need to radically change what is happening AT bedtime. Will it be easy? No. Would CIO be an option? Definitely. But one way or another that’s really got to happen because something has got to give.
Also really sorry to hear that he was screaming at daycare. I don’t know what the whole situation was but that definitely isn’t an ideal scenario
Alexis recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Oh and I must add that he used to do good with hair dryer white noise..but he has outgrown that as well now. Any other music just stimulates him more. A cuddly toy / blanket goes directly in his mouth and he doesn’t want to sleep anymore !
He rolls over, but does not do that in his sleep (yet) and even at night I put him on his tummy while in his crib.
Hi Alexis,
I have an 11 week old (13+ lbs) little boy who struggles to soothe himself back to sleep unless he’s in the swing. He takes 30 min naps in his crib and goes to sleep around 7:30 (depending on last nap) and will usually sleep until about 10 PM, breast feed and then is just restless the rest of the night. I have an almost 2 year old who is a great sleeper but having a hard time rocking my LO to sleep with the 2 year old running around, I just don’t have the time to rock him for an hour. He has a mild case of torticollis and his pedi recommended keeping him out of the swing as much as possible. I’m exhausted and loosing my patience. Any recommendations? Is it too early to let him cry for longer then 15 minutes?
Hi Alexis
Thanks for your response. I read the articles you mentioned – all three – over and over again and they make a LOT of sense to me. I just don’t know where to get started !
My questions:
1) Do I need to adjust something with the routine – I guess not – since he doesn’t have problems going to bed at bed time – it is the wake ups that kill me ?
2) He is able to self soothe himself for the naps, but not at night – why is that?
3) Since naps are going well (although he still needs help falling asleep), should I not touch them at all and focus on sleep training only for bedtime?
4) Do methods like no cry sleep solution work effectively? What do you do when drowsy but awake does not work? You keep picking them up and putting them down?
5) Finally – will CIO definitely work in 3 days as you say? How long is the maximum crying session? I have a feeling my boy will keep crying for hours until it is time for his next feed and will then pass out on the boob – which completely defeats the CIO then?
Sorry for the barrage of questions. But I am really really desperate !!
Thanks a ton.
Hi Shivangi:
I don’t have answers to all your questions but I have a few ideas about what you can try, and what worked for us.
1. Your routine looks fine, I think what needs to be adjusted is his bedtime. You say he is ready for sleep around 8-9PM. It’s possible that when you are seeing your babies drowsy signs, that he may already overtired. Have you tried earlier bedtimes? Sometimes an adjustment to an earlier bedtime really helps to cut down the wake-ups. This helped our son, and we finally found a nice bedtime for him where he can sleep through the night. The later we put him to bed, I can be assured that this will result in a wake up with crying/whining and an early wake up for morning. If you decide to give an earlier bedtime a try, just move it earlier by small increments.Try, 15 minutes earlier for a few days before you make another 15 minute adjustement.
2. Are you putting him down for naps awake? You mentioned he’s graduated from rocking to patting and singing. Super! But, I wonder if he is still being put down asleep.. if that is that case you may have to continue to work with him where you are putting him in the crib drowsy but awake. Maybe try patting and singing to him in the crib.. then walk away when he is drowsy.
3. What worked for us, is tackling things one at a time. That being said, i Still have struggles getting my toddler to nap. But, I think if his sleep tank is full..because he is a good napper… for now.. focus on the night sleep. It is really hard to sleep train when they are exhausted. It’s hard on baby and everyone. If you tackle the night sleep first.. you may see improvments, and ideally–maybe the napping will be just slight adjustments because he’s better rested.
4. Not familiar with the no-cry method. We used Weissbluth’s CIO.
5. I don’t think anyone can answer this question. Every baby is different. For me, CIO worked but not in 3 days. It was a challenge for all of us. But eventually after a while, it seemed to click for our son. You have to have a lot of love and patiendce. It’s all kind of foggy. But, I was definately not the mom that had her baby peacefully putting himself to bed after 3 -4 days. It didn’t happen like how the books say it will, it depends on your baby,on you… and many things. I would suggest not starting the CIO until both you and your husband are prepared and ready. It’s emotional , and you have to support eachother . If you go back and forth, it can be confusing on the child and tough on the both of you. But you will never know untill you try, and give your baby the time he needs to adjust.
I’m not the expert, but just a few ideas to share and that worked for us.
good luck!
Marie
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful knowledge. I’ve been reading all kinds of blogs on sleep training and this is by far the most helpful. I’m a new mom and have no idea what I’m doing. We were doing okay, though I did nurse our newborn to sleep, she almost was starting to sleep through the night. And then at four months we went on a month long trip to visit both sets of grandparents. And that’s when we went downhill. I used to nurse her to sleep and put her in her own bed(the play n pack) in our room and while we were traveling. In the early months we had a co-sleeper basket thing in the bed with us. But by the time we came back from our trip, she was waking 3-5 times a night and it just kept getting worse, so we put her back in the bed with us. She still woke up several times a night, and after weeks of barely any sleep, I started researching. We’ve been doing everything wrong. She got used to napping on the couch, on her tummy because as a newborn that’s the only way she would sleep. (I couldn’t get her to sleep and grandma figured out the couch thing and I just went with it.) Now at five months, this week, I have started to move her into the crib for naps (after she falls asleep on my boob in the rocking chair.) I know I need to get her out of associating nursing=sleep. I figure I would get her used to the crib first. Is that wrong? I have also started a bedtime routine for a couple of weeks now. The only problem is that it ends with nursing and I leave her in our bed. I have, however started to train her to soothe herself to sleep, which means we’ve let her CIO three nights now. I leave her barely awake. She looks at me and I say “good night, see you in the morning” and she cries for 20-30 mins. The first night 40 mins. I thought I would get her used to soothing herself and then transition her to the crib in her own room. Should I just do it all at once? I saw another post where you recommended get her out of the habit of co-sleeping and then off the nursing to sleep. How about the naps? Start putting her down barely awake at nap time while concurrently transitioning her to the crib for bedtime? I should say that her nap schedule is not so exact. First nap between 10-11(1 1/2-2 hours.) Second nap between 2-3 (30 min-1 hour). And sometimes no third nap or 5ish(30-45 mins.)Bedtime 7:30-8pm. I have noticed that naps are becoming more regular now that I’ve instilled a regular bedtime. (Poor thing she was probably overtired before.I fee awful about it.) Help!
Milta recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
i forgot to say that we still swaddle her, though now with her arms out, so she can soothe herself. She sucks on her finger. And we keep the air purifier for white noise.
Milta recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Hi Alexis-have just found your website and absolutely loving it-thank you so much!
After almost 7 weeks of our little girl day napping in our arms (oops!) we are now getting her to sleep in her cot day & night. Nights we’ve been lucky-she has always slept in bassinet (& now cot) but days were a disaster and she was super sleep deprived.
She is now 7 weeks and her awake time is between 45mins and 1.5 hours-we’re putting her down awake and soothing her in the cot (unless she becomes hysterical, then it’s up for a hug to calm and back down) and leaving room once she’s calm to try to fall asleep on her own. If she’s crying but it only sounds cranky not distressed I will stay out of the room a bit longer and she has generally been going to sleep well-sometimes I go in to settle 2-3 times.
My main query is that she is only really sleeping for what I think is 1 sleep cycle-around 40-50 mins-when she wakes I’ll leave her for a while if she’s happy and she might doze off for another 5-10 mins then wake again. Is she napping long enough and is there anything I should do differently? And do you think the small amount of crying I’m letting her do without going in (only a few mins and only if its a cranky sounding rather than distressed sounding cry) is ok considering she’s only 7 weeks?
Thanks again for your fantastic site!!
Hi Alex,
I read all the three parts . My dd is turning 8 in a couple of days and she is having terrible separation anxiety. Being breast fed I guess.is causing it to escalate.my husband is changing jobs so.v are stuck in one bedroom
Hence no separate sleeping space fr the baby. She can’t self sleep. As she used to sleep feeding earlier now kicks n screams although had a full tummy after a snack but just won’t sleep on her own… sushing humming patting nothing helps. She doesn’t ever wake up normal..always crying looking fr me.even when I’m next to her in the morning she is crying. I think I have steppedinto cryville already… and CIO wld be my last resort. I can’t do anything
Pls. Help I can’t even go to the rest room without her crying her lungs out. Really need ur help. Today I tried to let her self sleep she kicked cried fr about 40 min and I gave up
breast fed her fr one min and den patted her for 5 min and she slept fr 45 min and got up crying crazy. I didn’t rush to pic her rather sat next to her. She has since dend managed to hop crawl to me n is stuck . Writing to u wid her on my lap.:-\
Ur like a super hero fr all us mommies. I just finished reading ur article .. how to cry it out. I will follow it to the core. Loved the fact u included a point fr moms who co sleep.
Please help me with the separation anxiety. Pls. Nt able to cook..bathe..etc
Hi Alex,
My son is 5 months old and was a great sleeper early on. By 6 weeks, we had dropped all middle of the night feedings and he was sleeping for 8-9 hours each night with no wakings. We eventually introduced a paci during the day and that led to giving it to him at night but he still slept even when it fell out. Around 3-4 months we had a growth spurt and since then he has never really slept well at night. At first it was a few wakings during the night where we would have to go in and reinsert his paci but he would be asleep within 5 minutes and this would only occur maybe 2 times a night. Then there was a bout of him waking every hour or two. We are now to where he goes to bed between 8:30-9 pm with a paci, still drowsy but not fully asleep in his own crib and he will wake somewhere between 12-1am. We go in and reinsert the paci, rub his head but do not pick him up. He will usually fall back asleep for an hour and it starts all over again. By the third time we just bring him into bed with us. I want to start the CIO method and could use any advice. His bedtime routine consists of bottle in my bed, diaper change, jammies and then I take him to his crib. Do I need to finish the night in his room instead of just taking him to his room to put him in his crib? As for his schedule during the day, his first feeding is at 7:30 am, next around 11 am, next around 2:30-3pm, next around 6pm and the last feeding around 8pm. He usually naps 2 hours after each feeding and the length of naps range between 30 minutes – 1 1/2 hours each nap. I try to get him to nap for 3 hours each day but sometimes the sitter can only get him to nap for 1 1/2 hours total. After his 6 pm feeding he sometimes naps but for a lot of nights he might fall asleep around 7:30 and by that time it is time for his last feeding at 8. I am not sure what to do about this either??? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
Alexis,
We just got rid of the bottle for my 14.5 month old. He’s always been a terrible sleeper, literally since the hospital. He had a wicked bottle to sleep association for the longest time, but i am now putting him down fully awake. We replaced the bottle with songs (mommy is an awful singer, i don’t know how he likes this). Anyway, he is doing SO good putting himself to sleep. He might fuss for a minute or two but that’s it. Naps at home on the weekends he’s been crying for about 10 minutes, but then sleeping for 3 hours, so I’m ecstatic.
My PROBLEM is his before 6am wakeup. He was used to getting a bottle at this time and then going back to sleep for a while. Even in the last weeks of him taking a bottle, we started to get into the habit of just feeding him the bottle, burping him and immediately putting him down. It took a little getting used to, but eventually he was going back to sleep on his own (as he was not fully asleep when we put him down). I am letting him cry for this early morning wakeup, but at that time in the morning, what is really the best thing to do?? Last night was night 5. He woke up at 5:19am this morning and started crying, cried on and off until around 5:45 and then I finally went and got him up for the day (b/c i don’t want to rock him and have him get used to that). Is this just going to take some time?? My child is nothing if not persistent. The kid would cry for over an hour if i let him. Again, it’s been less than a week (and he also has at least 2 of his top molars coming in), so should I just be patient and continuing letting him cry for these early morning wakeups??
Also, he will not, under any circumstance, come into bed with us. The child is only able to sleep in his bed – if I brought him into our bed, he would be wide awake and think it’s playtime.
Thanks!
Hello! Please help!!! My daughter will be 10 months old on the 6th of May. We have a pretty consistant routine (only varies every now and then if we have something going on or are traveling). We follow the 2,3,4 wake times. This puts her to bed usually between 7:00-7:30. I always feed her at the beginning of her nap/nighttime routine so she wouldnt associate nursing with sleeping. I put her down awake for both naps and bed time and she goes down just fine on her own. She will usually wake up one time a night to eat sometime two times (usually anywhere from 2-3 am and 5-6 then back to sleep again until around 7:30). SHe always eats quite a bit and then goes back down. Lately though, she has been waking up at least 3 times a night and the only way she will go back to sleep is if I nurse her. I have even tried giving her a bottle and she will eat that and still cry until I nurse her. This has been going on for about 2-3 weeks now. As soon as I pick her up and bring her to the rocking chair she immediately puts herself in her nursing position and spits her paci out!!! I am just not sure what to do. Please help!
Hi Alexis
I am a mom to a 17 week old baby girl. You are right – no one likes change. My husband is all say but when it comes to actually letting it happen he is terrible. She was ready for CIO (good weight, healthy and we knew she is able to cope with the change) We had a massive row on the day we started to let her cry out. I was ok about it – he clearly wasn’t. So we had a time out and major discussion. He was stressed for a few days and finally settled in. Change is hard. But we did it – together. We perserve for 2 weeks. The first week was hell. The first 2 days worked like a dream and the next 7 days were hell (the max she went on was 3 hours long!). At one point I thought this is not working. We went from going in every 5 mins to not at all! (pure extinction) Fast forward 5 weeks later – 6.45 pm she is in bed (her own cot). Crying max is 15 minutes. Sleeps until woken up for dream feed and continues till the early hours. We now could both cook and have dinner and have the evening to ourselves with the cat. (Usually is one starts to cook the other continue with either one of us on balancing act trying to have dinner with her on us) My parents in-law were not keen but could see that once she in bed, she is happier and we were too (especially when we could enjoy dinner together without worrying about her) My little girl has done very well as we were also in the middle of moving house and she continued the same in her new house.
I stumbled onto your website during the 2 weeks of madness and was relief to see we are not the only ones who let her cry out. We are however on a regression mode at the moment due to the growth spurt (night wakening has gone from once to 5 times ah bah..) I am dreading going back to work in 2 weeks as she is hating the bottle (we are on our 4th make!) sigh…
Keep the good work for keeping us sane!