Every few months somebody throws out a fiercely alarming article about how cry it out will permanently damage your child. The latest one caught my attention because it was featured on Yahoo’s home page. And given that zillions of people read Yahoo it’s probably going to freak a lot of people out.
Stupid Yahoo.
The Yahoo article is actually sourcing an even more alarming article from Psychology Today. Although I felt obligated to link to it I’m telling you, DON’T READ IT. Also while the title “Psychology Today” may sound like an academic journal, it isn’t. This is a magazine, just like People and Us Weekly, that needs headlines that will get people to buy the magazine.
Please don’t read it.
The Bottom Line on CIO
There is no research that suggests that CIO will permanently harm your child.
The research about attachment disorders are all based on severe cases “predominantly in infants who are abused or neglected.”
My readers are not abusing or neglecting their children.
You are here because you love your children and are concerned about meeting their very real and critical needs for healthy sleep. You are concerned and caring people. The studies that these articles cite are are NOT talking about YOU.
The cortisol conundrum.
These articles invariably come to the conclusion that stressed or crying baby brains produce cortisol, a stress hormone that in large quantities can damage neurons. You know what else results in babies producing large amounts of cortisol? Sleep deprivation. Sadly I have yet to find a study that compares cortisol production during crying to that of sleep deprivation.
3 days vs. 3 years
CIO if done well, takes about 3 days. Chronic sleep deprivation goes on forever. So even if crying produces more cortisol than sleep deprivation, there is NO way that crying for a few days produces more cortisol than years of chronic sleep deprivation.
Tired babies cry more.
Want to reduce the amount your child cries? Help them sleep better.
Attachment parenting starts with YOU.
Even if you’re a huge proponent of attachment parenting, being physically and emotionally available for your children requires that YOU are physically and emotional strong. When you’re beaten down via exhaustion YOUR ability to nurture and connect with your children is vastly diminished. So helping everybody sleep better is a critical foundation to enable parents to be emotionally connected and supportive of their children.
Parents who are looking for answers to improve their children’s sleep are fundamentally plugged into what is REALLY important for the health and well-being of their kids. They don’t need to be freaked out by these alarmist articles that cite research that is based on EXTREME neglect. Frankly the whole thing is bullshit. We’re raising a nation of chronically sleep deprived kids and the bigger narrative should be focused on how we’re going to fix this problem instead of needlessly scaring concerned parents who are trying to make a positive change in their family’s sleep.
Thus endeth the CIO rant.
Linda on 
Laura on 
I read that article, because I am stupid. I *know* CIO was a wonderful thing for each of my kids. It was very hard but so wonderful and beneficial. After reading it I felt like a failure, and even an abusive parent. My kids are very happy, well adapted, loving kids that know I love them very much. They trust me above all others. And in many other areas I do practice AP. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not the worst parent ever.
And THAT right there is why these articles annoy me so much (and it’s not just this one – they come out ever month or so). It’s that they make good parents feel bad. And it’s just NOT TRUE!
Alexis recently posted..Too Young to Cry it Out?
I’m glad there are insightful bloggers like you to help straighten the facts out concerning this topic. It’s unfortunate how media could mislead and cause panic, even worse when what they’re saying were not supported by legitimate research or findings. It’s important for parents to widen their scope, to read the pros as well as the cons, especially when it comes to various methods of parenting.
Sweaty recently posted..The Truth About My Father
Well they’re not lying – I mean the research does say that prolonged crying leads to attachment disorders. But they’re not telling you the whole story, which is that in the study “prolonged crying” means “months of neglect” (think Russian orphanage horror show). However that isn’t mentioned so parents who let their baby cry for 45 minutes one time read the article and are then convinced that they’ve done irreparable harm to their beloved. But they haven’t. So it’s all just sad. And unnecessary.
Alexis recently posted..Safe Baby Sleep or Hatchet Job?
A-to the-MEN, sister. Saw an article citing the Psychology Today article on The Stir, and you wouldn’t (or would) believe the number of people spouting off about how CIO parenting = bad mommy and daddy. Puh-lease. Thanks for sharing your ideas here. It’s nice to have someone counter the alarmists.
Laura recently posted..Ghosts of Blogging Past
I used to jump in on those sort of comment threads hoping to offer an alternative view or at least raise some key facts for discussion. Then I learned that doing so just gets you flamed in a big way so I steer clear of the raging anti-CIO crowd now. Frankly they scare me
Alexis recently posted..Are You Making these Baby Sleep Mistakes?
You really don’t have to listen too much with these studies as it will confuse you on how to raise your baby properly. Crying is normal and so is sleeping. If you have nurtured your baby well then there is really nothing to worry about.
I wish everybody thought like you do. The Yahoo article alone had THOUSANDS of comments most of which were pretty fiercely on the “only bad Mommies do this” side of things.
Alexis recently posted..Is Cry it Out the Answer?
I agree with Dianne. A good Mom should know what’s best for her baby. There is really nothing to worry about unless you neglect basic things like attention and time spent for your baby. A good cry and a good sleep will do well in the growth of the baby.
Inna recently posted..How To Attract Women
You sound so reasonable. And yet SO many people are SO filled with angst over this whole thing. I hope more parents are taking the more pragmatic view that you have
Alexis recently posted..What to Do About Infant Reflux?
WOO-HOOO!!!!! Yes to everything! Oh, you know what else sleep- deprivation leads to? misdiagnosing kids with ADHD because they’re too sleep deprived to focus properly in school. Also, a break-down in immune functioning that eventually can lead to all kinds of immune disorders, like cardiovascular disease. Also, depression and other mental health disorders. Also, appetite regulation problems. The list goes on and on. Three days of teaching them how to attain the most basic of needs is basically one of the most important things you can do to keep your child physically and emotionally healthy.
Kid Id recently posted..My Son, the Party Planner
Have you read NurtureShock (chapter: The Lost Hour of Sleep?)? Chronic sleep deprivation makes your kids fat, sad, and stupid. Good times.
But as new parents I feel like we’re so sidetracked on issues like which baby food to start for solids and if our sippy cup is right. I’m not trying to make fun of people’s sippy cup angst but honestly I feel like all these parenting books/magazines are sending people off on baby-care goose chases when really there are only like 3 things you need to care about as a parent.
Alexis recently posted..What to Do About Infant Reflux?
Kind of reminds me of a recent story my friend told me about her sister-in-law who was completely obsessing over exactly what foods her son ate (too much bread, not enough peas, needs more chicken, etc.) but totally ignoring his obvious speech delay despite concerns expressed by several people including the pediatrician!
Kid Id recently posted..My Son, the Party Planner
Ooof. Is that the thing were people obsess over problems they feel they control because the really big scary problems are simply too overwhelming to be dealt with?
Personally I don’t get the “ignore the pediatrician” thing. Either a) you should pay attention to your pediatrician or b) your pediatrician is an idiot and it’s time to find a new pediatrician.
ps. My pediatrician is not an idiot
Alexis recently posted..A Pediatrician Weighs in on Infant Reflux
Alexis – there was kind of a funny article in the Journal on Valentine’s Day. Someone went back through the recommended amount of sleep for kids since 1897 and found that “children haven’t been getting the recommended hours of shuteye for at least a century”. Interestingly, they also found that while the recommended amount of sleep has been decreasing over the past century, the amount by which kids are sleep deprived is the same: “Children sleep about 70 minutes less than they did a century ago. Recommendations, meanwhile, have fallen by a similar amount, according to the study.”
Of course, the “study” is not exactly well controlled, so you might not want to draw a lot of conclusions. But — and especially since — it’s the Journal, you get the feeling like they are a little skeptical about the whole sleep deprivation thing.
In case you want to check it out, the article is called, “Challenging 100 Years of Sleep Guidelines for Children”
Hey Matt,
Thanks so much for sharing this! Got husband to get me the initial study too. Actually will probably post about it but from what I can gather people USED to suggest ideal amounts of sleep based on whatever number they pulled out of their butt.
Modern suggestions are based more closely on science – decreased test scores, cortisol levels in the brain, etc. And the 10 year study by the NIH on kids and sleep seemed to strongly suggest that we’re not getting enough. So I can’t comment on how much sleep Victorian kids needed vs. were getting. But most modern kids aren’t getting enough.
Check this out:
http://nymag.com/news/features/38951/index1.html
About older kids but really compelling.
Good times.
Alexis recently posted..Getting Medicine Into Your Baby
Haven’t had a chance to read the article yet, but I hope they don’t say anything bad about eating Coco Puffs in front of the television. (Though I would suggest that it’s better to put the milk back in the fridge between bowls.)
P.S. I’m not surprised the Victorians were pulling stuff out of their butts — I didn’t think they were supposed to talk about it, though.
Ha! Did you take Sex and Death at CMU? 50% of that class discussed all the strange things Victorians were doing. Which is one of the many reasons I give thanks to not have been alive during the Victorian age.
Uh, I didn’t really experience much of either of those things at CMU so the class probably seemed pointless
It’s definitely better you were born in this age — I’m pretty sure there was no Spartan Beast for women in the late 1890′s (or, per Freud, it would have meant a very different thing… and still nothing good for women).