How to Get Baby to Sleep Better- Part I
Sleep Little One
If you are reading baby sleep books (everybody has one and if you’re searching for help online I’m guessing you probably have three) at some point I guarantee you will find this line:
Put your baby down while they are still awake.
But what happens if “put them down awake” isn’t working for you?
This is the start of a 3-part series focused on how to get your newborn baby to sleep. Although the techniques discussed here are targeted mainly to newborns (0-3 months) they can also be used for older babies up to 6 months.
Everybody Sleeps Great in the Womb
Babies sleep just fine in there. The problems start when they come out. So lets start looking at what is going on in your belly.
The womb is LOUD
Like Black Eyed Peas concert loud. Your bedroom, even with that stuffed sheep that makes whale noises at your baby, is library quiet compared to the rock concert they’ve been listening to for their whole lives.
They’re Squished
Think back to your third trimester (if you’re the Mom, otherwise just play along). You were so full you went to the bathroom 5X an hour. You got heartburn if you ate a raisin. They were stuffed in there tighter than a Thanksgiving turkey.
They’re on the Move
Did the baby kick around that much during the day when you were out and about? No. But as soon as you went to bed it was like your peanut was throwing a rush-week frat party in there.
They’re Upside-Down
Babies move around quite a bit in your stomach but towards check-out time they tend to be head down. Throughout the 9 months they can be spotted in any different position when you peek in at them during ultrasounds.
So our peanuts pop out after spending their whole lives smushed into a ball, hanging upside down, at a rock concert, being constantly swayed to sleep. Two days later we place them flat on their backs, in a giant crib (giant from their point of view anyway), in a deathly silent room, and hope for the best.
Invariably that doesn’t work well (for us, meaning people with troublesome tots, if your newborn slept just fine like that then go gloat elsewhere) and we start sliding down the slope of desperation.
It sucked. But it worked. Till we found a better way.
It starts with the growing realization that our newborn baby isn’t sleeping enough and that getting them to fall asleep is not quite as easy as promised in the brochure. The nights are rough, naps are short, and everybody is starting to get scared that nobody will ever really sleep again. And then the real fun begins – we start to do whatever we possibly can to get baby to sleep. I’ve worked with wonderful smart talented families who have been reduced to:
- Bouncing continuously on an exercise ball while holding the baby
- Driving in the car for 3 hours a day while baby sleeps (only while the car is moving because of course being able to park and nap, read, talk on the phone means baby wakes up instantly)
- Letting baby park on the breast the entire time she sleeps*
- Wearing baby in sling, wrap, bjorn, etc. for hours at a time to encourage sleep*
- Baby only sleeps ON you (what, you wanted to eat? shower?)
- Wearing baby in sling while carrying a blow dryer and sticking fingers in baby’s mouth because said baby refuses a pacifier (yes this is me, no it was not a proud moment, but I wanted to make it clear that I’m not laughing AT you I’m laughing WITH you, well not laughing exactly but maybe shuddering a bit and reaching for a glass of whiskey while I try to block out the memory of this photo)
* Please no haters – I am neither anti-nursing nor anti-baby wearing. I am however anti-I’m-doing-this-cuz-nothing-else-works. If you want to take a nice spring day and wear your baby while you go for a hike and he gets a nap, great! However if this is the ONLY way to help your baby sleep and your (insert: back, nipples, etc.) is killing you and you would like an alternative to help baby sleep while you catch a break than read on.
Want your baby to sleep? Then you need to tactically recreate what we know already helps them to sleep because they used to sleep, just fine, without you.
How to Get Baby to Sleep
Don’t let them get over tired.
You may get a few days or even a few weeks of “babymoon” where your baby will literally fall asleep CONSTANTLY. You may even need to wake them up for scheduled feedings for a while (your pediatrician will let you know). You may wonder what all the fuss about “babies being so much work” comes from. But invariably the babymoon ends and suddenly sleep – theirs and yours – becomes a major issue. If your newborn baby is staying awake too long, its going to make it harder for everybody to get the sleep they need.
Swaddle Swaddle Swaddle
It helps A LOT. Especially for the first few months, swaddling your baby will vastly improve your efforts to help baby sleep and reduce crying. They were squished in the tummy. They’re used to it. They like it. Even if you think they don’t. Everything else works better when you start with a good tight swaddle.
Drowning in Silence
White noise is the #1 sleep tactic that parents aren’t using. Its also the best and easiest way to help babies fall asleep and stay asleep longer. Dr. Karp uses shushing as a way to get the white noise rolling, which is great. But you can also outsource the job to loud static played on a old radio (radios are electronic devices that people used to listen to music carried over the airwaves in the olden days). But here there are two keys to utilizing white noise – its got to be loud and continuous. We are aiming for 50 dB which is roughly the volume of somebody taking a shower. This is why I hate the baby white noise generators which barely hum louder than an old refrigerator. Also the sound shouldn’t stop so your timed baby sleep sheep or whale noise CD isn’t going to work (unless it’s on continuous replay). But seriously, don’t waste your money on fancy devices. Go get that old boom box you hid in the basement and plug it into the room where your newborn baby primarily sleeps. Set it to static and dial up the volume.
So we’ll start improving baby sleep by swaddling them whenever they sleep and using loud white noise. And we’ll keep an eye on the watch so that we don’t let too much time pass between naps. These steps alone should help substantially but we aren’t even close to being done.
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- How To Get Baby to Sleep Better Part 2 | Troublesome Tots
- 5 Reasons Your Baby Hates the Crib | Troublesome Tots
- Are You Making These Newborn Sleep Mistakes? | Troublesome Tots
- What You Need to Know About Sleeping Through the Night - Part 2 | Troublesome Tots
- Are You Keeping Your Baby Awake too Long?
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Happiest Baby on the Block is great! It really works. Every parent should have the DVD, since they will be too tired to read when they first bring their baby home.
The other important thing to get a baby to sleep through the night very quickly is to make sure he has eaten a full meal. No little snacks. Full meals make allow them to go longer between feedings. If the baby falls asleep as soon as he starts eating, wake him up and give him more food. It might sound cruel, but it is important and it works, and you won’t have to do it for long.
Absolutely! In addition to being too exhausted to really read and comprehend, I love the DVD because it’s so much easier to SEE what he is talking about. At least around here most libraries have a copy of both so it’s super easy to get your hands on a copy.
Thanks for sharing!
My baby is 14 weeks old and up until now I haven’t really been using white noise. He is used to sleeping with the fan on, which only makes a soft hum. Is it too late to start with some white noise now?
Absolutely not! White noise is strongly recommended for all babies up to 1 year whenever they sleep. (It’s totally OK to use after 1 year too if it works for you – or it’s easy to gently wean off it).
White noise has so many benefits that it would be great to start using it now. There are tons of free apps or you can simply turn an old radio to static.
Good luck!
Alexis recently posted..Why CIO isn’t Working
My kids (4, 2 and 5mo) all sleep with loudest box fan I could find in their rooms. Apparently fan makers are trying to make fans quieter these days…I’m not sure why, but the good ole cheap ones from Walmart are perfect! Give me the loudest fan you’ve got! It’s sure to lure them to sleep and not even the 4th of July parade and fireworks on our street would wake them up over the sound of the loud hum
They also have sleep with sound machines set on “rain”. Cue a REAL rainy day outside? And like Pavlov’s dogs they all start yawning and are ready for some great rainy day naps. Glorious!
Love love love this website! You are so full of wisdom.
Hi there,
We used to swaddle our little one (11 weeks) in the first few weeks but gave up around 8 weeks as he seemed to fight it a lot more. He usually naps in the sling day time ( anywhere between 30-90 min) but I can’t get him to nap in his cot or in the pram at all – is it worth trying to swaddle again ? Ill certainly try white noise as well.
Thanks
If baby is < 4 months and not sleeping well then my default answer is ALWAYS to swaddle. Yes they fight it but it's your best bet to get extended sleep out of them!
Alexis recently posted..How and Why to Use and Lose the Pacifier
I need to stop watching scary movies because I cannot even fathom putting on a radio to pure static :S I would be terrified lol what are some other options?
Stop watching The Ring and USE WHITE NOISE! Seriously, it is really powerful as a soothing tool, it reduces the incidence of SIDS, it’s a great sleep association. I promise!
Alexis recently posted..How and Why to Use and Lose the Pacifier
I live in New York and right next to the subway. My 2 month old sometimes get startled when the train goes pass but at times I notice he likes it. It’s not continuous. Should I still play white noise? Anything I can do regarding the traffic and train noise outside?
Also my son doesn’t seem like he like to be swaddle as he keeps waking up when he can’t suck on his hand. Should I still swaddle til he get use to it?
The Halo swaddles allow you to swaddle without adding the arms. I haven’t tried it this way, but I would assume that it still gives that tight feel, but still lets your son have his thumb.
A 2 month old is far more likely to bat himself in the head with his little fist then navigate it successfully into his mouth. Also you the waving arms will wake him up 9 times out of 10. So yeah I would DEFINITELY swaddle.
Also if I lived in NYC next to a subway I would totally use white noise ALL the time when my kids were sleeping! Because there is so much “startle” potential in trains, firetrucks, police, honking, etc. More than us country mice, you really need it
Alexis recently posted..How and Why to Use and Lose the Pacifier
Your site has some wonderful tips. I have a question about my almost 3 month old. He falls asleep at 10pm no matter what. We try to move it earlier but it doesn’t seem top work. Will try again tonight by 20 mins and see what happens. I don’t really mind though since he usually sleeps till 4 or 5 am then I nurse him and give him a bottle(bc I’m not producing enough) and he goes bak to sleep for a couple more hours. He hasn’t been a good napper though until today. He took two one hr naps and now has been sleeping for 3+ hours! My question is, is that too long? Should I wake him when he does this? Will it push back his bedtime?
Thanks!
Hey Seema,
Check the post below (Bedtime what time?) for hints on adjusting the time. 10:00 PM isn’t outrageous for 3 months and it may sort itself out on it’s own. If it doesn’t use the ideas there to make some changes.
Generally speaking longer naps are not a problem. Unless he’s napping late in the evening and this pushes bedtime WAAAY off schedule. Like if he’s taking a 3 hour nap at 8:00 PM and then wants to party all night. Otherwise I generally let sleeping babies lie.
One small thought – if you are sure you have supply problems (get a good IBCLC to help out!) and he’s sleeping a ton ALL the time, it may be because he’s hungry. If a newborn sleeps a ton ALL the time it can be because supply is low (they’re conserving energy with sleep). However this is super duper rare and I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS IS THE CASE.
Still a good IBCLC can help make sure everything is cool
Alexis recently posted..Bedtime What Time?
My daughter will be 5 months next week and for the life of me, we cannot get her to sleep in the crib. She sleeps in the swing or with us. We have a nighttime routine (tub, masssage, story, nurse, sleep) and though we always start with the crib (awake, drowsy, asleep – tried it all), it always ends with escalating tears (crying doesn’t seem to calm her down at all and I’m not comfortable with letting her cry until she pukes). Suggestions? Thanks!
Just wanted to chime in here and say we are in exactly the same boat….. Baby is 5 months old tomorrow and with her, fussing quickly escalates to hyperventilation, shaking and vomiting if we don’t intervene…. Am also not comfortable hearing her get into such a state, and know that if she does eventually shut down it will not be because she has conceded defeat but because she can NOT go on, physically or emotionally, and that breaks my heart…. Afraid that once we get to 6 months we are too late!! Running out of time :/ will be interested in any advice also….
I am somewhat hesitant to chime in on this one in case I say something wrong, but I can tell that you are both feeling kind of desperate (a state I know well) so I decided to try.
My take is that you both have babies who are very much still needing their sleep associations (motion, warm mommy heartbeat) and are not yet ready for the big empty crib. You could certainly force them to figure it out by doing CIO but neither of you sound at all ready for that, which I totally understand because I wasn’t ready either when my little guy was 5 months and doing exactly what you describe. At that point we just muddled along using the swing as much as possible for naps/beginning of the night, and some cosleeping later in the night.
By 6.5-7 months it was a whole new world and we were ready for crib transfer. We ultimately did CIO at 7.5 months and it was a very good decision. I felt very conflicted about it, but I really felt that HE was, so I went for it. At 5 months it just didn’t feel right, and you have to go with your gut I think.
That should say, “I really felt that he was *ready*.
Thanks, Kate
I get confused between my gut feeling telling me she’s not ready, and my worry that she won’t change it unless I show her how…. I know she has a huge nurse-to-sleep habit, and I it’s difficult to know whether it’s better for her to keep it that way for a while longer, or whether letting it continue will effectively make it more difficult for her in the long run. She’s always been a hungry baby (up until 3 1/2 months she nursed every hour, and now she’s got michelin arms and legs!!!). I’m inclined to think she needs to kick the stuff now :p She used to demand to be nursed to sleep for naps too, until I realized she was too dependent on me and stopped- she put up a huge fight at first but now has absolutely no problem, so am hoping the same is true for night-time needs….. :s
Fantastic and realistic advice, thank you! Regarding swaddling, my baby boy is 4 weeks old and I have been trying to swaddle since he was 2 weeks so he can sleep better/longer. His naps range from 30 mins to 1.5 and swaddling doesn’t help.
He falls asleep, but 30 mins later, he wakes up screaming and wanting out of the swaddle. I tried tight swaddle, light swaddle, arms out, different blankets, types of swaddling, it doesn’t work. He will not stay asleep for longer than 40 mins at most.
What can I do?
Help! My son is 4.5 months old and used to sleep well at night, 6 hr stretch, up to nurse and back down for another 2-3 hrs. He’s never napped we’ll during the day, no matter what I try. For the last month he’s reverted to waking 4-5 times a night and must be nursed back to sleep, he won’t take a pacifier or finger. He’s still swaddled and sleeping in the Rock n Play in our room. We’ve tried the crib transition and it results in the same 2 hrs of sleep and then full on screaming until I go get him and nurse him back down. He will not go down drowsy no matter how much I try.
We’ve done one arm swaddle so he can suck his thumb, no luck, he still startles, we’ve done white noise, we’ve tried to forgo the swaddle altogether, tried to rock to sleep instead of nurse, nothing seems to help. My MIL even tried the modified CIO with him, and it just resulted in him hyperventilating and shaking before she went in to get him after 30 mins. I can get him to go to sleep nursing, but the minute I put him down in the crib or RnP he wakes up and will not settle back down. We’re at our wits end and desperate! How do we get this kid to sleep?
Great articles.After reading this I started using white noise and my baby slept 6hrs in a row for the first time (3 nights in a row), then the next 3 nights she was up every 2-4hrs again (growth spurt? we thought/hoped). on the 7th night she slept 8.5hrs! we were thunderstruck. then 6 hrs again most nights for over a week. THEN back to 2-4hrs for close to 2 weeks now
Now that I know she’s capable of the longer stretches I’m really bothered by this! I only came here looking for advice about short naps too haha. She doesn’t wake for long though, just cries, I nurse her, and she goes right back to sleep, sometimes she only nurses for 5 or 10 minutes.
She is 3 months old last week and still taking lots of short naps too. I just noticed that you posted ~2hrs as the awake time for a 3-6mo and she is usually fussy after 1.. usually starts yawning 30min into awake time and often we need to put a lot of effort into distractions after that (sometimes she won’t even let us set her down without fussing)
Any advice????
How do I know when to get my 2 month old up for the day? I’m on maternity leave, so it’s not like we have to get up and moving at any certain time.
He usually sleeps for a 3-4 hour stretch, wakes for a quick feeding, and sleeps another 2 hours (sometimes longer). After that, he usually wakes every hour to eat. Am I forcing the later sleeps (that only last 45 minutes), possibly since I’m usually still tired?
Help! My almost 4 mo old wont nap during he day he never seems tired! He’s up every 2 hrs to nurse! He was giving us a 6 hr stretch but reverted back to 2 hrs. He won’t take a paci and as soon as I put him down for a nap he wakes immediately..help!!!
We successfully transitioned our now 12 weeks old baby from our bed to crib approximately 2 weeks ago (yay!). However, about 1 week ago, she started to have 30-minute naps. She has been on a 3-hour sleep-eat-play cycle for the last month or so. Now when she wakes up and it’s not time for a feeding yet, I TRY to get her back to sleep or let her play if she’s happy and clearly wide awake. She is generally fussy at night, but the shorter naps make her fussier than normal. Once we get her to sleep, she can sleep for 5-6 hours (thank God) at night. I am really confused about why this sudden change to short naps. Help!
Hi Karen,
I am by no means a pro but just to let you know that from my limited experience (I have a 7 month old) this is REALLY REALLY normal. Alexis has a post about it infact:
http://www.troublesometots.com/your-nemesis-the-short-nap/
My son pretty much never took at nap over 40 mins between about 3 months and 6 months, and lots of my new mum friends find the same thing. Now he is a bit older he is just about stretching them out sometimes, although obv in no consistent pattern so I never know what to expect (that’s the deal with babies though, whatever anyone else might try and tell you).
The short naps meant he would have atleast 4, if not 5 a day. I personally always fed him at some point after he woke up before he went down again, but this is prob not necessary. Just found it was something for us to do together!!
Hang in there. I am still hanging in there too
Lisa
Forgot to add, I always see if my son really wants to go back to sleep after a short nap and therefore does very easily, but in my experience I almost always just get him up, and then put him down again after his awake window has passed (its about 2 hours now, but would have been less at 12 weeks). Too much rocking an awake baby in a darkened room makes you feel like more of a crazy lady than you already do!!
My 9 month old little girl will not fall asleep without an hour or so of rocking if she wakes up in her crib she screams until I rock her or feed her again. She is going through about three bottles a night and is up every two hours. Help!
My son is 12 weeks old and for the last 3 weeks I have been working really hard to establish good sleep habits. He’s gone from not sleeping anywhere but my arms, to taking naps in his crib AND sleeping at night in his crib.
My questions is, am I establishing bad sleep habits? My current routine for both nap/bedtime is to change diaper, turn on white noise, swaddle, sing a few lullabies while rocking and then shhhing and rocking for a few minutes before putting him the crib. When I first started this routine, my son would go down without any fussing and I could put him in his crib drowsy and then pat his back in his crib and he’d close his eyes and fall asleep. For about 5 days now it’s become more of a struggle. He starts crying and getting really antsy when I start the routine and now I’ve resorted to rocking him much longer to settle him. When I do put him down in the crib, he now starts crying instead of lying down calmly. I’m also having to use his paci a lot more and pick him up out of the crib to soothe him again (I use this last bit as a last resort).
Once down, he usually wakes in 15-20 min increments and I have to go in and pat his back and shhh him back to sleep in his crib. It’s rare for him to stay asleep long from the start of the nap, but he’ll usually stay down 1-1/2 hours. Lately, I’ve been going in like every 5 minutes (after he’s cried for exactly 1 min, I’ve read it’s not age appropriate for him to cry longer than that at 12 weeks) to soothe him by patting his back, offering paci…which sometimes doesn’t work, I feel I’m forced to pick him up more and more to soothe him and his naps are lasting like 45 mins max now.
At night, I can’t complain too much. He goes to bed between 7:30-8 pm and then will wake 1-2 times during the night. We go through the same routine though when we put him down. We’re usually in and out of his nursery for up to an hour soothing him back to sleep. When he wakes during the night though, we change his diaper and I nurse him. He was going right back down with no complaints, but lately he’s been freaking out when put down. We were in and out of his nursery for almost 2 hours last night trying to get him back down (fun times at 3:30 in the morning).
So…why is he suddenly freaking out when being put down? Is it bad that I’m patting his back/shhhing/offering him a paci when putting him in his crib and trying to soothe him back to sleep (if so, what should I be doing, he majorly freaks out if I just put him down and leave)? Is this normal sleeping behavior at this age (12 weeks)? Also…I have him in a HALO sleepsack swaddler…he hates having his arms swaddled and he eventually breaks out, but I do it anyway, otherwise he’s grabbing at his face and waking himself up. When does that phase go away? I’d like to eventually have his arms out of his sleepsack.
I would really appreciate your advice. I really want to establish good sleeping habits for my little man! Thank you!
Just found your blog, and can’t stop reading. Apart from the tonnes of useful information, you have such a refreshing sense of humor. I am laughing out loud.