How and Why to Use and Lose the Pacifier
The pacifier is one of those sleep aids that people tend to shy away from fearing their baby will become addicted to it and will end up a social pariah when they show up at the Senior Prom with their adult-sized binkie pinned to their lapel. But despite all the bad press pacifiers have gotten, pacifiers are a powerful tool that I encourage ALL parents of newborn babies to embrace, along with swaddling and white noise, WHENEVER their baby is sleeping. Pacifier use has many benefits including:
- Sucking on a pacifier while falling asleep has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. (Note: You don’t need to put it back if it falls out, the benefit comes from having it WHEN falling asleep, not necessarily after.)
- Pacifiers are enormously soothing to babies and can when combined with other soothing techniques (notably swaddling and white noise) can significantly improve sleep and reduce crying.
- Pacifiers can meet baby’s need to suck while giving Mom’s boobs a much deserved break (and give Dad a chance to step in). And despite previous beliefs about pacifier use undermining breastfeeding efforts, current research suggests pacifier use doesn’t negatively impact breast feeding and may even help.
- Pacifier use leads to more saliva which is a natural antacid (especially useful for refluxing babies).
Do you Need to Wean Off the Pacifier?
MAYBE.
Many babies can happily use the pacifier for months or even years. Dr. Karp suggests that babies should continue to use the pacifier for up to a year or longer. He also suggests that getting rid of the pacifier is no big deal. Which seems to contradict all the parents for whom the paci has become the bane of their existence.
So it seems that some proportion of babies will have no issues weaning the pacifier but the remaining babies will wake up screaming about the pacifier every 1-2 hours all night long until they are 3. Which means their parents will need to get up 4,380 times to reinsert the paci before their child a) outgrows it or b) figures out how to get it and replace it for themselves.
If you’re running into any of these issues then it’s time for the pacifier to go:
- Your whole life has devolved into paci hell. If the path between your bed and baby’s crib has become your own personal Trail of Tears as you shuffle back in every 45 minutes all night long to reinsert the paci.
- Baby has chronic ear infections.
- Baby is over two years old. There is some conflicting recommendations about dental care and pacifier use. But there does seem to be some evidence that consistent use of a pacifier past 2 can lead to tooth misalignment (although the real issues seem to happen when using a pacifier past 4). It’s also been linked to tooth decay.
When to Lose the Pacifier?
The easiest time to stop using the pacifier is just before ~4-5 months of age. Babies don’t remember things exist at this point so out of sight is literally, out of mind. If you’ve been giving them lots of soothing sleep cues (swaddle, white noise, sleep routine), the loss of pacifier at 4 months may go virtually unnoticed.
HOWEVER
If you stop using the pacifier before 4 months you…
- Miss out on the SIDS protection provided by pacifier use at the time when the risk of SIDS peaks (the risk significantly decreases after 6 months).
- Remove a powerful tool from your arsenal in successfully navigating the dreaded 4 month sleep regression.
- For some particularly oral babies, even WITH all the great soothing you’ll continue to provide, you’ll see more night waking and shorter naps.
Still for most of you, gradually weaning off the pacifier before your baby is 5-6 months old is probably the easiest and least error-prone option. I would encourage you to discuss this decision with your pediatrician to help weigh the potential advantages (ease of weaning) against the disadvantage (forgone reduction in SIDS risk). Babies at greater risk of SIDS (preemies, exposure to smoking, etc.) might be encouraged to continue to use the pacifier until their first birthday for safety purposes.
But what if you DIDN’T ditch the pacifier by 4 months? What if you’re now the parent of an 8 month old baby who screams as if in physical pain if the paci isn’t reinserted within 5 seconds after waking throughout the night?
It’s time to come up with and execute a paci weaning plan.
Weaning the Pacifier
There are two basic strategies to getting out of paci hell. But regardless of which strategy works for you, every parent who is working on ditching the pacifier should do ALL of the following:
Give your baby MANY sleep cues.
If you’ve been popping in a paci then plunking baby in bed you’ve got a “not enough sleep cues” problem. When you remove the paci you’ve left….nothing! So before you lose the paci, make sure you’re giving your baby as many age-appropriate sleep aids as possible. At any age, this should include a consistent bedtime routine, loud white noise, and a dark room. For younger babies (under 6 months), also use a swaddle. For older babies/toddlers, a lovey.
Cut down paci use during the day.
Lots of babies simply exist WITH a pacifier. But if you’re ready to drop the pacifier at sleep time, it’ll go easier if you start with day time. Start with small windows of time and use lots of distraction (songs, play, go outside) to distract baby from the loss of beloved pacifier. Gradually increase those windows until there is little or no paci use during the day. (It’s OK to keep using the paci for particularly rough spots if you need it.)
Market the lovey.
Talk about the fairy who said good-bye to her paci but had a magic lovey who cuddled with her whenever she slept. Wear the lovey under your shirt so it smells like something wonderful (YOU!). Play with the lovey together.
Two Methods to Quit the Paci
#1 – Go Cold Turkey
I love Ferber. His book isn’t fabulously entertaining but it’s a fantastic resource based in credible science. This is a direct quote from his book about how to loose the paci.
Often, falling asleep just once or twice without the pacifier is enough for a child to master sleeping without it. If he is very sleepy at bedtime, the learning will be even easier, so starting with a later than usual bedtime for the first two nights will help. Sleeping without the pacifier should certainly be routine after one or two days.
So simple, right? Honestly I don’t know what all the pacifier fuss is about. Just stop using it.
However if we squint a little, it should be clear that what Dr. Ferber is talking about here is CIO. And depending on how things are going, your baby’s age and temperament, and just how exhausted everybody is, this is definitely an option to consider. Or at least consider it as a fallback plan. But first you might want to have a go with….
#2 – The Pull Out Method
Of course if you were successful with this strategy you wouldn’t have a baby to begin with (badum-CHING!). Some of you may know this method as the Pantley Pull Out/Off. You do your normal soothing bedtime routine and put baby down in the crib with the paci. When baby’s sucking slows you gently break the seal and remove the pacifier BEFORE baby is fully asleep. If baby drifts off to sleep, it’s time to catch up on Survivor.
If not try to use minimal soothing to settle baby back down without the pacifier. Often jiggling the crib (so baby’s head jiggles lightly) or gently patting baby’s back like a tom tom are good non-invasive techniques. If your baby continues to fuss, reinsert the pacifier and repeat the removal process until baby falls asleep. This may take a while (hours) so it’s best to Tivo Survivor or you might miss out.
Repeat this process when your baby wakes up looking for you to provide your standard paci reinsertion services throughout the night.
The process should get easier with subsequent nights until eventually you don’t use the pacifier at bedtime at all. Some lucky parents will be done with this within a few days but don’t be surprised if you’re still at it for 10-14 nights. This technique requires consistency and patience. Just don’t give up and LEAVE the pacifier in baby’s mouth as this will undo all your hard work.
If you feel it’s not getting you anywhere or your baby is just getting frustrated/angry with you and you’re ready to give up and just pop the pacifier back in, don’t feel bad. You aren’t the first parent who couldn’t make the “no cry” option work. There are many factors that feed into your ability to make “the pull out” work and most of them (baby’s temperament, level of attachment to the pacifier, sleep deprivation) are beyond your control. But it’s probably time to take Ferber’s advice and just. Stop.
So, anybody have any paci stories they care to share? Any super secret paci tricks that worked for you? Stories from the trenches?
{Photo Credit: Julie Chapa}
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We never thought our 2 1/2 year old daughter, Destiny would EVER give up her “Nummy!” She had about 100 stashed all over the house like a Squirrel storing nuts! Finally I had a talk with her about 2 months before Christmas. We made a plan to give up the “Nummy” & she made a video to send Daddy, who is an over-the-road truck driver. She explained on the video how she is going to find all of her “Nummies” & collect them in a basket. Then on Christmas Eve (along with milk & cookies & reindeer food) she was going to leave the basket for Santa. The story was Santa was going to take her “Nummies” to all the new little babies, & in exchange he would leave a BIG GIRL toy! I posted her video to my Facebook page & when our friends & family would “like” or comment to her video, she was getting more & more proud of herself for being ready to give them up. We decorated a basket with ribbon & she said her goodbyes…meaning she had 1 last suck on each, then she went to bed, leaving her basket on a table with a coloring book page that said “Just for Santa.” She went to bed easily & when she woke up in the morning she had seen that Santa wrote her back! He thanked her for the milk & cookies & the reindeer food & her special gift! Although her “Nummies” were gone, her basket wasn’t empty! She had some small gifts inside of it & next to all the usual festivly wrapped gifts was 1 BIG PINK gift for the BIG GIRL! (A play kitchen!) She’s been so busy making food for her babies & being a little mama, I think she forgot all about her “Nummies!”
wow, such a good idea
i think this is great example of a good parenting 
I have an almost 5-month-old and (compared to my first), I’d say she is “easy.” She falls asleep fairly readily — for naps by being held and walked for a few minutes, with the pacifier in her mouth. I have been trying this “gradual pull-out” method for two months, I feel like …. and she’s fine, she stirs a bit and settles to sleep without the thing in her mouth. But I can NOT get her to just fall asleep without it. And at night, we’ve gotten into the “soothe 2-3 times before I really fall asleep” routine. As in, she’s asleep I set her down, I pull the paci out, she stirs and falls asleep. anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hr later she’s awake and we do it again. Might happen 1 more time and then she’s asleep for her first long stretch. So basically we’re stuck in a pull-out rut and can’t seem to move past it. Luckily the rut exists only for bedtime and not for naps or other night-time wake-ups.
Have you tried to let her fall asleep on her own without the paci? I mean, lay her down and let her fall asleep. What I did is sort of CIO: I let him cry while I was in the room with him, patted him 4 or 5 times and stood right outside his door. He would cry for about twenty minutes at first but then gradually he started falling asleep right away. He just started sleeping more than 3 hours at night because of this method. It takes soooooooooooooooooooo much work so don’t be discouraged!
thank you Alicia! i want to wait until she’s 6 months to let her fall asleep on her own. she might be able to do it now, but i want to wait until i’m on spring break from work and can get her good naps during the day so she’s well rested. then i want to remove the pacifier and also move her into a crib in another room (she’s still in our bedroom, but wakes only twice a night to eat so i can’t complain except for the repeat early night wake-ups).
Just a quick success story to share…our third baby is now 5 months old and has never been a great sleeper. He would wake up 45 mins into every nap and would only sometimes go back to sleep if we went in and gave him back his pacifier. Nights were sometimes ok – no night nursing but often several times of getting up to give him the pacifier to fall back asleep. Last week, though, the nights got crazy. We were doing the once-an-hour trip to give him his pacifier, and even then he sometimes wouldn’t settle. After finding this amazing website, I was pretty convinced that we’d reached the object permanence issue and needed to teach him to sleep without the pacifier. He sleeps swaddled and with white noise, so it seemed like he still had plenty of other sleep cues to get him to fall asleep. This past Tuesday, I put him down for his first nap without his pacifier. He cried for 8 mins and then slept for 45, cried for 5 more and then slept til I woke him (to go get big sis from preschool) – a 2 hr nap in total. We continued to do naps without the pacifier for the rest of the day with mixed results. Bedtime was about 20 mins of crying, and then he woke up 3 or 4 times during the night and cried for various lengths (up to 25 mins). I wasn’t really sure if we were going to do full-on CIO, but that’s kind of what it turned into (even though he’s not quite 6 months yet, he’s not a kid who responds well to having us come in and comfort him, unless we have a pacifier to offer!). Second day and night were pretty similar to the first, but then the third day and night were awesome. He slept through every nap (with a bit of crying at the 45-minute mark) and through the night (without any crying at all) and did so again yesterday and last night. We’re pretty amazed. And he’s actually a lot happier when he’s awake too. Losing the pacifier and letting him teach himself to fall back asleep has been fantastic so far. Here’s hoping this is the new norm!
Hello MamaO!
Your comment has given me hope, given that losing the pacifier seems to have improved your situation. I am in a very similar situation with my 5 1/2 month old – hence the web surfing at 2 am. The only difference is that mine still wakes up once or twice a night for nursing (over a 12-hour period). Quick question – when you say you put him down for his nap without the pacifier, are you putting him down awake? Or did you hold him while he cried for that 8 minute period? And did you just let him cry without going in, or were you patting/shushing, etc.?
Hi Sarah! I did (and do) put him down awake. And I let him cry without going in – my offers of shush/pat type comfort have not been well received in the past, so I just decided to give it a shot cold turkey. It worked great for him. Two weeks later, he’s still going a full night without any assistance from us. He’ll often wake up at least once during the night and chatter/wimper for a few minutes, but he settles himself down without our help. Naps aren’t perfect, but certainly overall better than they were when he had the pacifier. Not sure if your little one is still swaddled or not, but I feel like that was key for our success…he’s very clear on when it’s time to get ready to sleep and seems to accept it pretty well. Good luck to you!
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for your site, it’s been very helpful. I have a 5.5 month old and over the last two weeks she had been sleeping through the night (a 12 hour stretch!) with no work from us. We originally did a lil sleep training a month ago to break her of her swaddle cause she was rolling over in her crib; we were still feeding her twice a night, and out of nowhere she started sleeping through the night on her own. We were obviously stoked!
Here’s the problem: 4 days ago she randomly started waking in the middle of the night. When she did I started using the paci to get her to go back to sleep. Prior to this I would use it to initially get her down, it would fall out, but there would be no problem. Night two she woke more, I used the Paci more, night three got even worse, and last night was awful. She was up every 45mins/one hour, I’d give her the paci, she’d fall asleep, it would start all over again. I’m wondering if you think an object permanence problem can happen this fast? We didn’t always use the paci to get her to sleep, we just started to in the face of this abnormality, and things are rapidly deteriorating. I don’t want to start giving her the bottle in the middle of the night – she slept through by herself without any weaning and I feel that even though it may have been early it would be a step back to do that. Is it possible she’s just going thorough a growth spurt or something? Is it possible the 2 weeks period of sleeping bliss was the abnormality and I just need to think of it as a fond memory? Please help!
My four-month old daughter relies on her paci to fall asleep – she’s not interested in it at any other time. Waking up when it falls out is not an issue during nap time, but it is an issue overnight. Right now her evening schedule is: bedtime between 7-8pm, dreamfeed at 11 before I go to bed, then next feeding is at about 7 a.m. However, the night waking for her paci starts at about 3 a.m. Sometimes it’s just the one time, but other nights it feels like I’m up every 45 mins after the first waking to put the pacifier back in.
I am happy and willing to wean her off the pacifier at this age – especially ahead of ‘object permanence’- but my husband and I do not want her to start sucking her thumb as a substitute. What are the risks that this will occur if we wean her off the pacifier now? Any thoughts on the lesser of two evils in the long term? i.e. happy to wait this out until she can replace the paci herself if it means avoiding the thumb-sucking attachment.
Thanks!
Lia
Im right here with you at 6 months. For me I think its time to go im just plucking up the courage to deal with all the crying to come. Good luck.
My little guy is now 6 months old. He loves his pacifier as much as he loves me I think. However, his older brother had a difficult time getting rid of his because we finally took it away at 1 yr. With my new little guy, we started the process yesterday. COLD TURKEY. He fussed for nap a bit {I am still nursing to sleepy state} so here is my question. How long do I allow him to adjust to not having a pacifier until I start not nursing to sleep and to try the 20 minute thing before nap/bedtime?
Update- My little guy is not longer using a pacifier. It really took 1 night without it. The only problem now is that he is using me as a human pacifier. I think I need to bite the bullet and now work on eat-play-sleep. He has a STRONG will and associates breast + mommy holding him= sleep.
He is now waking up about 4 times a night for a breast, holding him won’t work. After I feed him and hold him for about 20-30 minutes, he goes back to sleep without the pacifier.
I need any mom’s help out there that was successful with the eat-play-sleep thing. How long do you wait to go in to console him? Or do you? How long did it take to be successful? Did you use it for naps as well? Again, any feedback is wonderful. I need some encouragement that I can do it. PLEASE HELP…. ANYONE.
I tried it. I actually went ahead and finally decided I am a big girl and I can do this. My little bean survived his first night with CIO without the pacifier. After a good week or so without it. The plan- I followed Alexis bedtime routine boob, bath, massage, pj’s, book, song, kiss and phrase to go to sleep, then bed. NOT EASY BUT Alexis is pretty much a genius. He fussed for little less then an hour. I know this is the right thing for our family. Those of you out there that are reading these messages, you can do it too. Make a plan, get a support buddy, stay strong, and get busy doing something else while you little one learns how to fuss until he/she learns how to fall asleep. Alexis already has the plan for you… CUT the associations. Your baby is capable of it. It may be YOU that is holding him/her from becoming a good sleeper because of YOUR fears. GOOD LUCK. Sleep well.
Hi Joanne,
I feel like I am in the same boat as you were. My 6-month-old was addicted to his pacifier, and I ditched the pacifier (cold turkey) a little less than a week ago after some rough nights. However, he still has a very strong sucking/sleeping association, and usually freaks out if I’m holding/rocking him close to bedtime or naptime, as he wants the boob. I know he’s not hungry because I will have just fed him, but he will not go to sleep without either falling completely asleep at the breast, or sucking on his thumb (if he can find it).
My questions for you are:
1. Are you now feeding 20+ minutes from any sleep? (naptime AND bedtime?) I’m pretty sure this is my next step – change the schedule so that feeding is at the beginning of the bedtime routine.
2. When you say he fussed for an hour, was he full out crying, or just kind of whimpering? I feel like I can’t handle the full-on crying for that long a time, but bedtime is becoming a lot more difficult these days.
Your post has given me some hope, but any other advice or hints would also be appreciated!
Hi Sarah,
We must have twins separated at birth. I am not sure I can help because my little guy is still waking up 3 to 4 times a night to nurse. I let him cry or fuss for about 10 or so minutes before going in. Once or twice a night he will go back to sleep without my assistance but the other times, he works himself up so I have to go feed or he will wake the whole house up.
Regarding your questions-
1. I am feeding about 10 or so minutes before bedtime and knock on wood… he is wonderful about going down without fussing. Now, we have been working on that for about a month and he has finally started to only fuss/cry/bang his legs on the bed for less then 5 minutes. Tonight, not a peep. Small victory. Naptime- I feed to sleep because otherwise he is not going down unless we are in a car without me nursing him.
2. Like I mentioned above, the first week was the hardest, he cried for about 5 or so minutes, then whimper off an on, then be silent, then cry and this would continue for about 45 minutes the first few nights. Then it all worked out and he has been MUCH better falling asleep on his own.
My problem continues to be night feeding. The weaning deal isn’t working for me. I tried reducing the amount of time he nurses {worked on the 12:30 feeding}and he just gets really agitated and cries to the point he is AWAKE not sleepy anymore. He is stubborn. He uses me for a little sip of milk and then as a pacifier.
I hate to even imply it but I think night feedings will diminish on their own when I stop breast feeding. I will stop around 8 months. I did with my now 3 year old and that is when he dropped most night feedings because he didn’t want a bottle.
Time will tell. Good luck with your journey.
Thanks so much for your reply! It definitely does sound like they are separated at birth
I have not had much luck either; we are still feeding at least 3 times a night. I hope things are going better for you. Like yours, mine is extremely strong-willed, and I think the cry-it-out option just won’t work for us (based on several nights of 2+ hours of crying). I finally bit the bullet and bought one of those personalized sleep plans. I haven’t started it yet but if you are interested, I can share some of the pointers with you. It won’t be exactly personalized to your baby, but as you said, they sound quite similar. You can e-mail me at [email protected] if you want more information.
Good luck to you!
Hiya,
Just found your site, wonderful!
Quick question, I’ve been trying to research the paci/SIDS thing. I know that it’s great for putting baby to sleep in a crib/swing, etc., but what about co-sleeping breastfed babies? Obviously they can still self soothe (On the breast).
Any idea on that? My 3.5 week old will NOT take a paci…and she gags if we try to “give” it to her.
Tracie recently posted..2 Minute Reviews – pre and post baby
I am at the point where I have a 10/11 month old baby and I ready for him to get off the paci it seems like he cries for it now and then when you give it to him he get’s quiet. I have removed it from his mouth when he falls asleep and he does wake up at night crying for it.
I have a 15 week old baby girl who is generally a pretty good sleeper – especially considering she has reflux along with what our pediatrician believes is allergic proctocolitis (have tried elimination diets and cannot find the culprit).
She naps in the swing through the day and sleeps in the propped up bassinet at night.
I have used a paci with her since 2 weeks of age to help with her reflux and it is part of her bedtime/nap routine (white noise, swaddle, paci, lullaby). She used to spit it out when she started to go to sleep and it would stay out no problems. However a couple of weeks ago her reflux flared up along with a bout of constipation and I really used the paci a whole lot to help settle. She loves to suck! Everytime it would pop out I would quickly shove it straight back in.
Anyway I knew I was digging myself a hole and have again started to cut back on paci use during the day when she is whingy but still use it for sleep with the eventual goal of weaning her from it by 5 months.
However I just went to put her to sleep for a nap with the usual routine and found every time she was close to sleep she would spit the paci out then lie there moving her head from side with her mouth wide open like one of those clowns at the fair! At first I popped the paci straight back in how I usually would and immediately her eyes would get sleepy then POP! Out it would come again and her eyes would be looking for me to put it back in. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and put it back in for her again….and again…and again. This went on for 30 minutes until I freaked out thinking how everytime i put it back in I am reinforcing this behaviour. It was clear she knew spitting the dummy=mums presence to put it back.
Then i did the unthinkable – i let her cry it out. It took 15 – 20 mins but she finally went to sleep for 40 mins.
So my question is do I commit to cry it out now that I have done it once? If I backtrack now do I make it harder later? I did want to have that paci in my arsenal for teething etc. Or Do I go back to putting her to sleep completely in my arms with or without the paci before putting her down?
She also started rolling over today meaning I wont be able to swaddle her much longer either. And we were going to move her from bassinet to crib within the next month. If I do decide to CIO is it better to do it all at once or will we have to relive the CIO nightmare again? She goes from fussy to hysterical quickly and CIO is something I really wanted to avoid due to her reflux.
We are now 2 weeks and 2 nights post cold-turkey-no-binkie, and I wanted to leave a comment about how it’s gone for us. I trolled these comments religiously while going through this process so I wanted to make sure to contribute to it as well!
Right before our LO turned 5 months, we reached the pinnacle of sleep deprivation–she was regularly waking up 10-20 times a night (pretty much every sleep cycle). It got to the point where she wouldn’t let us put the binkie in her mouth until we first picked her up (smart girl)!
After reading Alexis’s paci article, we decided to ditch it cold turkey. We started on a Friday night so we wouldn’t have to go to work the next few days. We decided to do a modified CIO by staying with her the whole time, patting her belly. We also did some preliminary rocking in the rocking chair before putting her down. We used white noise and had her swaddled, but with one arm out (so she could find her thumb). She pretty much screamed and writhed through all of it, but on the first night she fell asleep after only 20 minutes! She then woke up every hour and cried for 20 minutes.
During that first week she was waking up probably 5-7 times a night, crying sometimes for an hour at a time, but sometimes just letting out a peep and putting herself back to sleep. She did find her thumb, which she now sucks regularly at sleep time. We went cold turkey without the binkie for naps too. They continued to stay b/w 30-45 minutes on average.
We have had a few really good nights with her…maybe 3? She did some nice 6-8 hour stretches, and even had one night when the only time she woke was to feed (2 x). Mostly, however, our nights are still really rough. The last few days she wakes up at either 11, 2ish, or 5-ish, and cries for an hour +. Tonight, for example, she woke at 10:20 and wouldn’t settle until midnight. I nursed her, rocked her, patted her belly, and finally put her in the swing until she cried herself to sleep. I think she cried just as long in the swing as she would have in the cosleeper, to be honest. While we aren’t spending the entire night anymore reinserting the binkie into her mouth, we are still feeling pretty lost as to what is preventing her from consistently putting herself back to sleep. Even with some soothing from us she just isn’t wanting to fall asleep!
Lose the binkie if it’s causing you problems. Everyone will be better off for it. BUT–it may not be the cure-all you’re hoping for.
Hi Colleen,
How did it turn out with your LO? My LO is just over 4 months and waking us up every 20 to an hour all night long! She’s very sucky and needs it every 20 mins during naps as well. I’ve got a feeling that weaning her off is likely to go a bit like your experience rather than one of the more positive ones and I’d love an update on where you’re at now with the dummy/sleep situation.
Hi Helen,
I’m sorry to hear you’re in the paci hell boat! Our LO is now 7.5 months and life is MUCH, MUCH better. I think it took about a month post-binkie before things really became more sane. It’s crazy to think we went a half a year without any real sleep!
We continued to make more changes after we took away the binkie. By 6 months she was in a crib in a room next to ours (instead of in our room in the swing or cosleeper) and was sleeping without a swaddle (but we do use a sleep sack…a great cue that “it’s bedtime!” to keep in your arsenal). At 6 months her bedtime routine started looking like this: nurse 30 minutes before bed, read a book to her while she’s in her crib, sing a song, change her into jammies and nighttime diaper, put her into the sleep sack, turn up white noise, close blind, and then rock her BRIEFLY before putting her in the crib. She starts sucking her thumb as soon as she is rocked and I oftentimes find her asleep with her thumb in her mouth. She doesn’t suck it any other time than at nap/bedtime. She always cries before falling asleep. I’ve just come to terms that she will always cry before naps and bedtime–it’s really frustrating but it is what it is. The crying is usually very short (5-10 minutes) and then she’s asleep. Sometimes, though, it can be an 40 minute off-and-on endeavor
She still has some bad nights, but the amount of sleep we get is much more sustainable than when she was on the paci!!! Ditch it. You don’t want to be taking it away when your LO is older…I think it would only be harder.
Good luck to you…it WILL get better.
Colleen recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail
Thanks so much for your post Colleen. Wedging the paci in my LO’s mouth between typing…! It’s very reassuring to hear that your LO has now managed to adjust to life without a paci and your experience has provided me with the motivation to ditch the dummies. I think we need to come up with an action plan quickly and prepare ourselves for a tough few weeks at least! Thanks again and best wishes to you and your LO.
For the past month we have been having our 5 month old nap in the swing. Two weeks into swing napping I was committed to putting her down awake at bedtime in her pack n’ play. She goes down between 8:15pm and 8:30pm and will fuss a bit, but eventually she will put herself to sleep. I don’t use the pacifier to put her to sleep anymore unless she is extremely worked up and overtired. I haven’t had to use the paci for naps at all.
We put her in a sleepsack, with the velcro swaddle “wings” wrapped around her body. Her room is dark and white noise is on. She does well going to sleep unswaddled. She has a lovey, which she likes to chew on and sometimes rub and put on her face (which scares the heck out of us – thank God for visual night monitor).
She will give us some good 4, 6, hour stretches. However, when she does wake up from these stretches, I’m a bit at loss as to what to do to help her fall back to sleep. I usually shift her to her side, give her her lovey, pat her butt, stroke her back (can’t shush as she will turn to look at me, can’t pick her up as I’ve discovered it only pisses her off) sometimes this works and she will go back to sleep. Other times it doesn’t and I have to give her the paci, which yes, defeats the purpose of trying to wean off the paci.
Last night I watched for ten minutes (on the monitor) as she tried to settle holding her lovey, arms flailing about stretching said lovey over her face, and getting frustrated. So I went in, reswaddled her, and did the old stand-by, …pacifier (I know, Alexis, but she went back to sleep – and slept 4 more hours!)
I try to only use the paci as a last resort if everything else I’ve tried won’t work, and she will give us 2 – 4 hours at the most. Pediatrian and my husband aren’t worried about the paci use as much as I am.
Is she just not old enough for the lovey? Should I just swaddle one arm and see how she does? Am I overthinking the paci use?
We were going into baby’s room at least 8 times each night to reinsert paci. She was also still swaddled. Finally when she turned 7 months we decided to get rid of the swaddle (should have done it long ago since she was rolling). I also wanted to get rid of paci, but my husband being a softie, thought she needed soothing since she would b without a swaddle. The first night without a swaddle was horrible…she cried most of the night but we went in and soothed her and inserted paci every time. Second night was much better, but the third night was a repeat of the first. So the fourth night we decided to CIO but leave the paci in the crib. We bought a wubbanub (best ten bucks we have ever spent!) and put four pacis in the crib. Of course she cried and woke up several times in the middle of the night crying, but each time she found her paci and put herself to sleep. Second night and third she cried less and less and after that she now might wake up for five mins and cry in the middle of the night but always finds one of her pacis and now sleep 10 to 11 hours straight (she stopped eating at night when she turned 6 months) . She is turning 8 months this week. So if you don’t want to take away the paci, this may be an option. I had read that kids can’t find and insert pacis until much older, but didn’t find that to b the case at all. Of course having four pacis helped! Life is great now!
Oh wow, 8 times a night! You are a trooper. I’m glad to hear things improved with your LO.
It hasn’t quite gone that way here, but a week ago for a couple of nights we were heading that way. The number of times kept increasing and her nightwakings were getting earlier and earlier and more frequent. Finally, on day 4 of going in there at 11pm and 1am to give her the paci and 15 mins later she started fussing again, I was nearly in tears, I was so tired. I didn’t go back in, and I didn’t have to, she found the paci, resettled herself and slept 6 more hours!
I decided to put 2 more pacis in the pack n’ play with her. Sometimes she finds them when she wakes up, sometimes she doesn’t. Though now we are dealing with her rolling on her tummy, which conveniently happen when we stopped swaddling her. If she gets stuck on her tummy I still wait 10 mins to go get her and put her on her back and give her the lovey. One night as I did this, I had the paci in my hand, she took it and shoved it in her mouth.
Now we are back to going in there only once or not at all.
The wubbanub looks genius! I wish I had seen this a month ago. I just ordered one. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
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How can I teach my 5and half month old to not rely on the breast or a pacifier to fall asleep? I am trying sleep cues, but it doesnt seem to be working and she will continue to cry until she gets the breast. What steps do I use to wean her off my breast and the paci?
I am SO scared to take away MG’s paci. She isn’t like Maggie Simpson or anything, but she is surely a falling asleep paci addict… We are young, first time parents and we are definitely guilty of using it as a ‘quiet button’ at times, which has made the problem worse, I’m sure. We have to take one EVERYWHERE; to the grocery store, the doctors, church, the park…everywhere. When she spends the weekend with my sister in law, she trains her to fall asleep not only without a paci, but on her own. That’s not something she will do for us. Only ONCE has she. I wouldn’t care as much, but I’m a full time working mommy and my husband is a full time stay at home daddy. And since I have to be at work at 7am, he has to get up with her at night, too. (Doesn’t HAVE to, but he’s a good man like that) Help!! My honey needs some sleep!
We used the CIO method to wean off pacifier on our 9 month old this weekend. Our Pediatrician said it will take one night… she just didn’t say it is a very very very long night.
Our 9 month old has been using pacifier only at naps / bedtime. We worked on not using the pacifier during awake time using distractions / play / toys etc.
Thursday night the saga begin on bye-bye-binky.
7pm – Normal bedtime, loud white noise, lovey in hand, read a night story. Put in crib… cried 20mins… Mom couldn’t do it, rocked her to sleep for 40mins. Finally asleep at 8pm.
8:30pm – Awaken, cried looking for the stupid binky.
9pm to 11pm – Mom rocked her to sleep after 30mins of continuous crying.
11pm – Finally fell asleep
3am – Awaken, cried looking for binky… had to rock from 3am to 5am…
5am – Mom completely exhausted gave up… baby CIO for 30mins continuously…
5:30am – slept till 8:00am, awaken by Mom to be fed / start morning routine.
Naps that day (Friday) still no binky…
9:30am – put down for naps, fuss 5 mins, fell asleep. slept 2 hrs!
1:30pm – put down for nap #2, fuss 5 mins, try to sleep, play with lovey, talked for 15mins, feel asleep for 1hr!
Friday night, night 2 no binky
7:00pm – put down, usualy night routine. 5 mins fussing. fell asleep at 7:10pm. STTN 12hrs straight.
7:00am – talked in crib / happy baby!
Saturday night, repeat 7pm bedtime, 5 mins fussy, woke at 7:30am.
Sunday night, repeat 7pm bedtime, 3 mins fussy, woke at 6:30am.
No more running in a 1am / 3am / 5am to look for dropped binky!
Thank You!
About 4 weeks ago my then six month old started waking at night and it escalated to the point where I was up 5 times a night putting his soother in, and that was taking numerous goes (20 minutes) before he would finally fall asleep and not wake up when the soother dropped out. His daytime naps were usually just for about 30 minutes too. I was exhausted (still am a bit!)
So, I came across this article as I desperately trawled through the internet on Sunday night.
We went cold turkey on Monday. No more soother.
He roared himself to sleep after 15minutes on his first walk/nap (we have a dog, and he always gets his nap in the buggy while we walk the dog each morning). I let him cry for ten minutes on Monday night and then went up and sat with him as he roared at me for twenty minutes before he gave in and dropped off. He woke that night at 11, I went in and he fell asleep with in a few minutes and slept silently till 6am!
The following day he napped with out too much trouble (including and hour and a half midday nap!) and that night he dropped off immediately and slept ALL night till 6am.
Yesterday he only cried going down at one nap, but actually settled himself after about 3 minutes! Last night he did wake a few times, but… he went back to sleep himself!!!
I’m sitting here at lunch time and he is asleep upstairs having gone down with only a little yelp as I left the room…
I can’t believe how well this has worked out. I’m nearly afraid to post this comment in case I jinx myself!
I think the practical, honest tone of the article really gave me the confidence to give it ago. Thank you!!!! Here’s hoping it lasts!
hi moms, im just wonderimg if its ok for me to leave my 6and half mth boy with his paci all night, he wakes up and seems to be able to find it on his own, but last night i had to carry him up to feed around 5.30am,(he had been asleep since 8pm the night before). so my question is, do i leave him on his paci all night, or try to break the habit? is it safe for him to suck on it all night?
We did CIO with my son when he was 5 months old. I was waking every 2 hours to reinsert the Pacifier…I was exhausted! So, we did CIO and cold turkey pacifier. Well, I say cold turkey I had been keeping it from him as best as I could during the day for a week. (Not very successful) So, if you count that it wasn’t completely cold turkey. But, CIO worked after a month plus our little guy hit a sleeping stride that worked for him and us and he has been a great sleepier ever since. It was not easy but, it was worth it. My blog post To Cry it Out or To Not goes into greater detail on our CIO Journey : )
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